| Them's Fightin'
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I actually first played this game a while back, when it was on OP:OHR and OHR Weekly first reviewed it. I was scrolling down the gamelist wondering what games were worthy of a review, and for some reason I felt compelled to revew this one. There isn't really much that can be said about this bizzare little game, besides the fact that it is rather funny, though in a pathetic kind of sense. To the best of my knowledge it was released before Arfenhouse 3, and could very well have BECOME Arfenhouse 3. That is, assuming of course, that the author was trying to be funny, not serious. I took this game as a grain of salt when reviewing it, so those without a sense of humor may find this game Magnus style idiocy (which is basically is). But in truth, like Magnus, this game does have some redeeming value: it is so stupid it is funny.
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| Graphics |
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Graphics are horrible. What more can I say? Blocky, solid colors, look like they were drawn by a two year old in MS Paint (the battle backdrops probably were). They aren't much to look at, but I still thought they added to the humor, if anything. But even the humor aspect doesn't stop them from being butt-ugly.
NPC's are lame, just like the rest of the game's graphics. They are pretty colors. I guess that's all I can say. Besides that they look retarded.
Tilemaps - XD THEY LOOK LIKE ARFENHOUSE. THAT ISNT A GOOD THING. Blocks of color, Mangus style! Get down with Hercil in the all new dance groove! Er, never mind, too much sugar.
Battle graphics are ugly, but there are a couple decent ones. But not enough to redeem it. The graphics suck, ok? Move to a different part of the review, moron!
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| Storyline |
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It is retarded, but funny. You are TIME WALKER who uses TIMEBOMBS (har har har) to attack bad time guys. Basically this bum named Nardius took time badges or...something and put them in Milkshakes throughout time. Well, you obviously don't like that, so you are going to go whoop his butt pronto. So you fight him, then get SUCKED BACK INTO THE TIME OF THE DINOSAURS?! Are you a bad enough dude to rescue time? We'll never find out, because this stupid game was never finished after that point! Arg!
The dialoge is rather funny though. Just be sure not to take this game seriously, or you'll hate it. You might hate it anyway, but I though it was pretty funny, so just....yeah. Play it, find out for yourself.
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| Gameplay |
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Urg, gameplay is way too easy. Basically you fight some stuff, then you go back in time and fight enemies (which you can see and thus avoid, yay good job :P), but you could just run from them. You have only one attack, and maps are very linear and poorly designed. I won't say it is horrible, I'll say it is simple.
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Battle |
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One attack. Timebomb (he he he...eh). Yeah. Do that over and over. At least the bar fills up really fast. Plus the battles are way too easy for sanity. Just hold down space...blah.
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Map Design |
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Well, they suck. The dinosaur one is semi-decent (ie it is actually bigger then one screen), but it still sucks. Linear, retarded...but the game is short so what. It just makes the game that much easier.
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Balance |
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As stated in battle, you only have on attack anyway, and you basically can't die. Plus you level up insanely after battles anyway, so you can't die. Easy beyond belief.
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| Music |
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It is either the songs with the engine, or others taht I don't recognize but they probably were ripped. In all honesty, the music wasn't badly selected. I liked the tunes a bit, but there was nothing above average about them. They just are there (think Mormon Mission or Final Fantasy H)
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| Enjoyment |
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The first time I played this game, I laughed. When I played it today, I laughed too. It is decently funny. Considering how short it was (it doesn't say when it is over), it was a decent few minutes. Pointless, but decent.
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| Final Blows |
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Stupid game. Really stupid. But still pretty funny. It brought back some memories of a few years ago on Zant when I first downloaded it. Plus, some of the dialogue is so rediculious it is hilarious, but other then that this game is just plain dumb. I would't really recommend a download, but I'm not saying you most definatly shouldn't download it. If you are in a retarded mood, download this retarded game and fulfill your idiotic needs. If you are serious, don't even bother.
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This game is SO STUPID. "Timebomb"? Heh... |
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Final Scores
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Graphics: 2/10.0 |
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They all suck big time, except one enemy, who doesn't suck as much. I kinda liked them, to be honest, but they still sucked.
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Storyline: 3.5/10.0
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The dialogue is so amazingly stupid it borders sheer genius in its humor. But it only borders, it is still stupid. The story itself is just plain dumb. But it is still funny, I am still chuckleing at it. (he he...) |
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Gameplay: 1/10.0 |
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Gameplay is so simple, any moron could play it. All you have to do is walk and hold the spacebar. How dumb
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Music: 3/10.0
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Music actually wasn't that bad. Sure, it wasn't amazing, but it still...just wasn't bad. The game doesn't fall into any major music loopholes, but then again it doesn't do anything good with the music either. |
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Enjoyment: 4/10.0
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I liked it, to be honest. The first time I played it I thought it was pretty funny, though I was confused when the game just ended. This time I was in a stupid mood, so I enjoyed it (I am so weird), but I probably won't play it again for a while. |
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Overall Grade:
F |
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| Final Thoughts |
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This game is both funny and retarded, but more of the latter. Don't take it seriously, or you won't enjoy it. For the five minutes it is, it is a decent five minutes. I won't say whether it merits a download or not...you can decide for yourself. |
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