Castle Paradox

LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Sat Mar 13, 2004 11:12 pm Post subject:

See? We're are learning something, aren't we, Eggie. Big grin

_________________
Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "

Camdog · Joined: 08 Aug 2003 Posts: 606

"Cry me a river?" Didn't you post this to get some constructive criticism? Besides, this censoring words things isn't as small of a deal as you think. First off, every time the reader sees a *, it breaks up the flow of the story, because the reader sees the curse not as something the character would say, but rather as a CURSE WORD. Second, it leaves people wondering why an author would include the curse words but feel the need to censor them. It hurts your narrative if the reader is making judgement calls about you as an author. Third, it's just plain stupid. Sh*t = shit. Everyone with half a brain knows that. It's not like a little asterix is going to save anyone the pain of processing a curse word. Besides, if curse words offend you so much that you can't even bear to see them in print, why are you using them in the first place? And, if they don't bug you that much, why not just drop the silly asterix?

Me: I gotta disagree with you there. Sure, maybe it was in vogue to use high-minded 'literary' language in Dostoyevsky's heyday, but most modern 'classics' strive very hard to include realistic dialect. Try 'Cold Mountain', 'Snow Falling on Cedars', or 'The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven'.

LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 9:11 pm Post subject:

hear hear! What Camdog said! I demand an uncensoring of all bad or naughty dialog. It would make the dialog more real, and more fun to read.
Funny story though. Although it can be considerred long winded and sometimes unintelligent, it's a nice piece of narrative. Definitely different.

_________________
Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "

Eggie · Joined: 12 May 2003 Posts: 904

Fine, I'll uncensor everything and reupload it so you can go to sleep knowing that something you don't give a f*ck (Oh my God! I censored something again. When will I learn?) about. I hope that you don't die of happiness when you can read some words that give you such a rush. I just censored it because I like I felt like it. Maybe I like the '*' symbol.

Oh yeah, and if you find some of the content in this story, like not-needed sex themes, then tell someone who cares, like the wall. It's right there.

Which basically leads to the continuous point, cry me a river.

And Camdog, I am not rejecting constructive criticism. I just stand for what I believe in. I guess constructive criticism is mostly needed on my art (which I am trying to get soon.) If I was to reject constructive criticism, it would be me freaking out on a guy who said what I did was crappy in a way. All I did was tell Me that I wanted to keep in censored.

So sit on that, ha.

Camdog · Joined: 08 Aug 2003 Posts: 606

Uh... what? Did you even read what I wrote? I think I gave a bunch of pretty good reasons why the '*' makes you look really amateurish in your writing, none of which have to do with the 'excitement' of curse words (which is to say no excitement at all). Instead you throw a hissy fit and conclude by saying that you do in fact respond to constructive critisism. Take it easy dude.

Anyway, if you want a bit more constructive critisism: Your expositions are too, well, expository. Show, don't tell. I know it's easy to straight out say things, but it's boring writing. My professor gets on me for that all the time too, but it does make a big difference. Instead of reading "Person A is like this", it's much more fun to read a segment where person A acts like that.

LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 11:09 pm Post subject:

It's ok, Egg. Take in the good and filter out the bad. All of the community's comments originate from concern. (Deny it, but it's so true)

The asterisk is not the best symbol. It is repetitive, mainly. Try using the classic variety of symbols. Like @#!& instead of **** See the difference... Hold on... It takes a while to see sometimes. Just look at the example again. (Ignore the avatar

)

When is the next chapter, Egg? Am I the only one who has read all of this so far? Huh?

_________________
Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "

Eggie · Joined: 12 May 2003 Posts: 904

Okay, I have edited the files. Now there is no bleeping out so you can get all happy. Oh and I love the '*'.

http://www.angelfire.com/sd2/eggie/ch1.doc

http://www.angelfire.com/sd2/eggie/ch2.doc

http://www.angelfire.com/sd2/eggie/ch3.doc

http://www.angelfire.com/sd2/eggie/ch4.doc

http://www.angelfire.com/sd2/eggie/ch5.doc

Hey, let's shut up and read or die tryin'.

Eggie · Joined: 12 May 2003 Posts: 904

I have been a little busy with my Rom checking, listening to B.O.B. over and over, and working on my OHR game, so I haven't been to productive on my story, but I managed to get this chapter done.

Chapter VI: Let's Get Retarded! 8+ (Swearing)
http://www.angelfire.com/sd2/eggie/ch6.doc