Castle Paradox

[SDHawk]

Several months ago I challenged Minnek between the two of us to see who could rewrite Mystic Fate better. I don't think Minnek ever wrote a line, but I did begin rewriting it anyway after getting Eggie's permission. However, progress on it has went very slowly, and I really think I should work on something else. But I don't particularly want to abandon a project, either. So I'll leave it up to you readers to decide, based on my current progress, whether I should continue it or abort it. Poll ends in 3 days.

Availble in .txt at: http://www.geocities.com/sd3hawk/mfrw.txt
(Open in new window, let's hope the bandwith holds up)

Mystic Fate
Original Story: Eggie
Rewrite: SDHawk

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PROLOGUE
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Tryce stood stiffly and looked over the panoramic view that he beheld from on top of his

headquarters. It made him think of all the work it took to get this high in the world. He took

another step to get an even better view of the people walking below him, knowing full well his

bodyguards would become slightly worried of his proximety to the edge. He enjoyed it. They knew

that if anything happend to him, their lives were forfeit. "Anything for the Force" he thought

to himself and allowed himself a quiet chuckle outloud.

His father was a weak, pathetic man. He had all the power necesary to make himself the ruler of

the world with his position as ruler of Delkar, and instead he let it waste away like a ripe

fruit unplucked. Fortunatley, such weak men who allowed such things created opportunitys for the

ones higher on the food chain- such as himself.

It took but a few years to gather the necesary support to wipe away his father's rule without a

second glance. The people, thinking a new era of human enlightenment was upon them, considered

killing their own leader but one small, necesary act to reach it sooner. Of course, there was

allways the few that didn't agree...but the majority allways rules...particularly when they kill

the minority.

He allowed himself a grin, and took an even closer step to the edge. His guards nervousness was

thick enough to feel.

Once he was in power, it was all too easy to justify increasing their armys to epic proportions.

The primitive, simpleton, Monsteras were a small obstacle to the enlightenment- but one that was

necesary to be removed. The war, if you could call it that, had started. The feeble Monsteras

fell to their technology like flys before a flyswater. They were helpless. The fools, refusing

to adapt to their environment by growing past the stone age, had doomed themselves against the

obviously superior human race.

But then, they were just animals after all. One couldn't expect them to have even half the

intelligence of a human. He lifted his foot over the edge, considering dropping off. The guards

were frozen tense. Eventualy one in a terse voice said:

"Sir that's..that's..not..."

Tyrse interupted him by putting his foot firmly back and then nodding to the other guard:

"Kill him."

He fell to the ground, dead.
"Never tell your superiors what to do."
Tyrse then left the top, heading back down the stairs... to see how progress was going on

another important project of his.

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Chapter One
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Mike Rose slowly walked through the desolate, dead field. He knew the field was once the

battleground for one of the greatest battles ever fought. One of the old storys even spoke of

the legendary Slayer perishing in this very location. The slayer was reknown as one of the worst

men to ever walk the land, filled with undieing hatred of everything, it would take days to list

all of his atrocitys. It said that in his last hour, he bound his spirit to his sword before his

fall, so that even while he soul burned in the bowels of hell, he could still influnce any

unfortunate explorer that found it.

Of course, Mike knew they were just old wives tales made to scare children into submission. He

didn't believe a bit of the nonsense, and even if he was inclined to he wouldn't show it in

front Juin.

Mike and Juin went way back. since childhood, Juin was constantly picking on Mike for whatever

fanciful reason he could contrive. As much as their parents tried to break them apart, they

couldn't stop it. It only became worse as the years passed on, Mike couldn't even remember the

full list of cruel jokes Juin had played on him anymore. Now that they were both in their

fifteenth years, grown men by Delkar standards, they were still bitter enemys. Mike resented

every single bad thing Juin did to him, and Juin still reveled in tormenting him.

This field was just another in the long list of his plots. Knowing full well his distaste for

such places, Juin challenged him to going to the field and spending the night there. Not wanting

his repuation spoiled in front of his new friends at the Peace Corps allready, he was forced to

accept.

The sky was blood red as evening was settling in.
"Well, I guess we're here, you can run back home whenever you want to" Juin snickerd.
Mike ignored the comment as though it wasn't even said, "Actually, I was thinking we could do a

little exploring while we're here."
"Why, so you can run away when I have my back turned.. benefit of the doubt?" Juin replied, a

large grin spread over his face.
Mike sighed and continued walking.

Darkness was settling in, yet the battlefield remained slightly lit with a deep, red glow that

seemed to come from the land itself. The effect was unsettling, particularly with the storys

fresh in Mike's head.

Sensing his fear Juin spoke up, "Afraid a ghost might get you?"
"No, moreso afraid of having to sleep in the presence of yourself. Really, when was the last

time you showerd?"
Juin shot back, "I think you're smelling yourself. Probably wet yourself from fear."
Tired of the insult game, Mike simply didn't reply.

The darkness was complete, there was no moon tonight...and yet, the ground remained ever so

slightly visible with a redish tint. Mike could even feel a little uneasiness slip from Juin,

for a brief moment when he wasn't thinking of new ways to annoy him. But then Juin flipped on

his portable lamp and set it on the ground.
"Well, this is a good enough spot to camp...unless you still want to 'explore'" he snickerd

again...Mike hated that noise.
"No, this will be fine." and saying such, Mike got out his sleeping bag that he was carrying on

his back along with his sword.

While setting out the sleeping bag on the ground, he still noticed the slight redness to it.

Memories flooded his head about the storys how you could still see..and even get it on you..the

blood from the battle. He quickly shook the thought out of his head and unrolled it, setting his

sword by his side. It was going to be a long night.

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Chapter Two
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Tired from the constant bickering with Juin during the trip, lying down, even on the hard

ground, felt good to Mike. But he then rememberd who he was sleeping with and rememberd to keep

his guard up. If Juin didn't enjoy tormenting him so much, he wouldn't put it past Juin to kill

him.

He stole a glance at him. Good, he was simply settling into taking a nights rest like him...but

he still felt uneasy. Reflecting on the situation, Mike realized he had every right to be

uneasy. He was camping out on the grounds of an ancient battlefield, rumored to contain the

resting place of one of the worst villians that ever walked, with his rival who would stop at

nothing to torment him at every chance. The question was, which one was more worrysome.

Sighing, he laid down and prepared to try to sleep.

But it was no good. No matter how long he tried to doze off, he couldn't. There was simply too

much danger nearby for him to simply go to sleep. It didn't take long to realize that he was

going to have to stay up the entire night. Great, and his first day of duty in the Peace Corps

was coming up tommorow! He realized this was Juin's plan from the beginning- to sabotage his

future.

No.. he could handle this. Back in his school day he stayed up all night all the time...

Hours seemed to pass, checking to see Juin asleep, Mike slowly rose.

"I can't just lie there all night long... maybe if I walk a little I can fall asleep even with

him nearby" Mike mutterd to himself.

But then realized: "No, no.. the first sign of me being gone and he'll be wide awake telling

everyone of how I ran away."

A similar debate raged on inside him for some time, and eventually built up to the point where

he decided it would be ok, so long as he kept Juin's light in sight.

Decided as such, he began to slowly walk away from the light, but being careful to keep it

within viewable range. But something kept him walking even further, inspite of the light fading

in back of him. He couldn't explain it, but something was drawing him to it. Whatever it was, he

couldn't resist it. Had he looked back (and he didn't, he was far too asorbed in walking), he

would have been unable to view the light.

So asorbed in walking, he barely noticed when he tripped over something in the darkness and fell

on his face.

Sitting up he began pawing on the ground for whatever it was that triped him. At first, he felt

nothing but grass and suspected it was nothing but a root that tripped him. But then, his hand

came over an ice-cold piece of metal and he froze.

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Chapter Three
-------------

Stroking the metal with one hand, Mike slowly took out his old sword with his other hand and

threw it upon the ground. Finding a hilt on the piece of metal he held it up and looked at it.

In spite of the darkness, it faintly glowed dark red. It was a sword, and oh what a sword, it's

like could not be found anywhere else in Delkar- no, not even in the world, save for perhaps

rusting in museums!

Mike was instantly attracted to it. Strangely, even though it must have been lying in the field

for years it showed not a spot of rust or age- but neither did it shine save for in it's deep,

red glow. Upon looking on it, Mike knew his luck was about to change.

Sliding it back into the holster his old sword once rested in, he got up and began heading to

where he last saw the camp light.
_________________
"Why is it when they say an adult has the mind of a Sew, they lock him up, while Sews are allowed to run free in the streets."

[Minnek]

I did so write a line...

(I'll edit this after I've finished reading, with my thoughts and stuff. N' yes, I did vote no - you should be working on the stuff you mention in your LJ, not a rewrite of a story. )
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* SDHawk has joined #Minnek
SDHawk> AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGH
* SDHawk has left #Minnek (Leaving)

[Eggie]

Maybe you started after I said it was okay, but I am certain that Sew got all mad at me. It was great. Then after Fenrir gave me this long boring speech about Pepsi and Coke, and Hawk talked to me nicely, I decided I was okay, as long as all the events and names were kept the same. If they weren't people would die.

Anyway, Fen was right. I am Coke, and all the rewriters are Pepsi.

...

...Hmph. Posers.