Castle Paradox

[XGundam05]

Right now, I'm working on the graphics. However, here's the plot...

17 years ago, the 7 Nations were on speaking terms
w/ each other. While skirmishes did break out, life was good. Until the Voris swept in. The nations fought against the otherworldy invaders but were defeated. The Voris shattered the Great Crystal and scattered the shards throughout the lands. Jump to now, Richius is now 16. And the story that I have told you has just been told him. He must set out to discover himself and to find out what truth there is to the tales. Defeating the Voris is something he will or will not choose to do. The choice is up to you...

Well, that's the main plot. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions, please let me know!
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RPG-Rocket Propelled Grenade

[MultiColoredWizard]

This is about game design, not plot.
(I'm assuming you'll go into more detail on game design later, but just incase you're retarded I'm saying this.)

Also, ...what?

[Aethereal]

This isn't a game design thread, this is a story thread. If you want this thing critiqued, please post in the appropriate forum.

Moved to said forum. BTW I like your avatar, nice and old school.
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[LeRoy_Leo]

I was reading this story and was like, "Yes? Yes?! YES!" because I liked the idea a lot. Then I got to the part about the giant crystal shattering and the pieces spread all over the land. Then I was like, "Buh... Inuyasha."
Anyway, what is up with the shards? Are they important or something? You never mentioned them besides the crystal breaking. It sounded kind of random.

In Inuyasha they have to find these shards before the main bad guy does.
So don't go there if you can. This is just a thought, but is the great crystal what held the world together? If so, then, "Buh... The lost civilization of the Atlanians."

The story seems to be well thought out though, so good luck with your game.

PS: Didn't mean any harm...

If you haven't seen Inuyasha yet, you should. It's an anime that is just like that shard thing you said about.
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Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "

[junahu]

Basically every game has crystals and shards. Seriously, you'd swear anything with a crystalline structure had mythical powers with the way rpgs are headed.
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[Ysoft_Entertainment]

about the avatar: Isn't that a MadKnight from dragon warrior 1? it sure looks familiar.

as for the plot, there are too many loopholes, maybe providing the character description would clear up the loopholes.
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Try my OHR exporter/importer.
OHRGFX
Striving to become better pixel artist then Fenrir Lunaris. Unfortunately the laziness gets in the way of my goals.

[XGundam05]

The first 2 guys to reply need to make themselves more clear! At any rate...

Yes, my avatar is a MadKnight.And, no the crystal did not hold the world together.(FF Tactics this is not.) The crystal contained 2 gaurdian spirits. One light one dark. Kind of like the FORCE. As soon as the shards are all gathered, the player gets to choose which path they'll head down. Problem is, I need help getting the player to that point.

Another thing, the game is set in modern times, sorta. People fight using mech armor. Literal armor, not huge mobile suits as in Gundam. I'm working on getting it so that you can take stuff from other suits after you've defeated them.

Oh yeah, here's the chara descriptions...

Richius:
Richius is now 16, and has been a fairly quiet guy for most of his life. He has pulled some pranks and will beat the crap out of someone but only if they really, really tick him off.(He once stuck a kid's head in a gym urinal when he was in 8 grade.) His mom died of cancer when he was 6 years old and that is what mostly attributes to his quietness. Lately, he's been arrested 3 times on no basis except that he would not pay the police not to and he's just looking for some answers.
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RPG-Rocket Propelled Grenade

[LeRoy_Leo]

I like the idea for these reasons:

1) Collect the crystals for a choice and not an absolution is new to me. I don't know much about manga, FF, or many anime, but "if I haven't seen it, it's new to me". Heh.

2) Mech armor (and not gundam things) is cool too. And I am sure you could create some pretty kick ass rivals for this guy, Richius. I mean, hey. I hate the guy already. Why not make me one?
Bah. Just joking.

You need more characters though... bad guys most preferably. I'd like to see a story that is one man against many. not even the great Kenshin does everything alone. Although he SHOULD!
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Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "

[XGundam05]

Okay, well I kinda got kicked off before I could get the other guys written down.Here they are...

Simon:(27 yrs.)
Simon is an aspiring luitenent in the Voris Special Ops squad. He is a little on the sadistic side, okay, make that a lot. He does have, believe it or not, a wife and one child.(who likes to pull the wings off of flies.) He devoted his talents to the Voris at the extremely young age of 5.

Vars:(48 yrs.)
Vars is Richius' father. He's the one who helps Richius to make his first suit. Not a real outgoing person, nevertheless, he is very intelligent.

Nina:(25 yrs.)
Simon's wife.

Maya:(90? yrs.)
Old, grumpy, touchy storyteller and grocery store owner. She may not like anyone, but she doesn't like the Voris either.

Shisler:
Peddler of sorts...on the outside. He's really a member of the Voris version of Hitler's SS. Not much is known about him...

Archias:
Commander of the Voris and polygamous bachelor to boot. A master tactician, he is nonetheless insane in the extreme. He could stand to take the cork out of his rear end too. He's one heck of a devil though.
:flamedevil:

That's what I have so far chara-wise. The suits are a different matter.
The game is going to be called "Series R: Conquest of Shadow." The "Series R" stands for Series Rogue. Because Richius is basically a wild card, not exactly ronin but the same idea. His suit is also a Series Rogue suit.
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RPG-Rocket Propelled Grenade

[Junair Wiare]

*Cough Cough* Cliche *Cough*

Sorry, but... I've heard this plot in, like, half of all games. It boils down to:
1) Some bad guy destroyed everything
2) Oddly enough, there is this way to save the world
3) Still more strangely, this involves collecting items from the land. You'd think they'd fight

I do, however, like the idea of good vs. bad decision. But, put that decision else where in the game. Perhaps at the start.

Okay, done playing devil's advocate now. :flamedevil:
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"I do believe your Squid exists. I really do, you know?"

[SunsOfFlame]

The only great way for a choice is to have neither good or evil. Have two sides fighting and the character must decide for himself which one he wants to side with.

Of course, throughout the game up to that point, you have to hide hints of corruption and stuffin both sides. You need NPCs to be on one side or the other, and support it. You gotta have people say things that could be rumors, just stuff to complicate it some.

You can't have it at the beginning cuz...that way its the same story from 2 different viewpoints.

Anyway, I'm not liking the idea of forces, but thats all opinion.

Good luck with your game.
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I got it all...most.