Castle Paradox

Eggie · Joined: 12 May 2003 Posts: 904

Time is tickin',
Time about,
Time is kinda runnin' out,
Time can't stop,
Time can't slow,
Time is always on the go,
And the more it goes,
The more down I get,
I'm so surprised I haven't crashed out yet,
And I kinda wanna,
Go crash out,
So time is kinda runnin' out,

LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2004 8:00 am Post subject:

I like the sound of this. It's kind of like I am a clock when I read it. it's got that... Ticking to it. Maybe it needs some onomonapia (spell check doesn't have any suggestions for this word)

pretty cool. This is a rap, right?
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Eggie · Joined: 12 May 2003 Posts: 904

Yeah, it is. And, its not necessarily about time itself, its about feeling left behind and vain as time passes.

Calehay · Posted: Thu Oct 28, 2004 3:03 pm Post subject:

Nice, I must say. However, there are a few things:

Line 2: Time about,
This line seems like it's just something to rhyme. It's possible I'm not quite sure what time about means (if it's a popular phrase or even an old-timey phrase.)
Line 5 and 6: Really like those.
Lines 10 and 11: Syllable misconfiguration. This isn't nessecarily a problem, but when putting your rap to a rhythm, it's probably going to cause a few problems.
Lines 11 and 12: This may just be me, but I don't think that "out" and "out" rhyme. In all senses, they rhyme, but personally, I don't think the same word should be used again as a rhyme. (But then again, I'm attempting to write lyrics for musicals, and I've shyed away from that. For rap, it and forced rhymes (which you didn't do. Bravo.) are all the norm.)

Overall, I like your references and symbolisms. Keep up the good work.
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rpgspotKahn · Posted: Thu Oct 28, 2004 8:34 pm Post subject:

Eggie · Joined: 12 May 2003 Posts: 904

Time is tickin',
Not without,
Time is kinda runnin' out,
Time can't stop,
Time can't slow,
Time is always on the go,
It travels with pain,
And pain travels fast,
Makes the present seem like the past,
(Alternate line: "Fast enough to whip my ass,")
And I kinda wanna,
Go crash out,
So time is kinda runnin' out,

That's the updated chorus. Soon enough I'll get the hooks in.

LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Fri Oct 29, 2004 8:08 am Post subject:

I like the line fast enough to whip my ass... So it must be bad. Ha ha ha!

Oh yea, and try to avoid using the same word to rhyme.
Even without and out are practically the same, if you feel me.
I know some rappers do it, but it's not to be encouraged. Rap is an art too.

PS: Thank you, Kahn. That is the definition of the word, although you spelled it nothing like what it sounds like. I find that interesting...
_________________
Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "

rpgspotKahn · Posted: Fri Oct 29, 2004 12:51 pm Post subject:

Get Setu or Calehay (I think thats how you spell it) to write you some music to go with it. You know, da beat and da ripped up tunes... yeah... umm... whoohoo!... ok. enough.

*Yes leroy, that word is one hell of a weird one. I guess they try to bring out all the sound devices in a single word to help describe it... or something crazy like that.

I rate this could be a cool new OHR tune, it could inspire the millions to gather their belongings and pull up their trousers and comb their hair and sit on a nice comfy chair... and program and design the "Clock of whipping my ass RPG". Just a thought... use it, dont lose it.

Yeah,
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Iblis · Posted: Fri Oct 29, 2004 1:11 pm Post subject:

Calehay · Posted: Sat Oct 30, 2004 12:03 pm Post subject: Quote

RPGspotKahn said:
Get Setu or Calehay (I think thats how you spell it) to write you some music to go with it.

Why me? But I'll surely attempt it if you wish. (I've never collaborated with anyone on music. But there's always a first time.)

Not without:
This is kind of almost as bad as the other. Again, if the line doesn't complete a full line (Not without what?), it's okay since this is rap.

I think without and out is a standable rhyme, if used in a suitable musical context. But again, this is rap (which, stereotypically, I should be all into since I'm black, but screw stereotypes!) so, I'm probably not the best person to comment on your lyrics, as it comment on it as a rap I would like to hear and not a popular rap.
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Calehay

Fighter · Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2004 8:51 am Post subject:

Time stands still!!
lol
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Calehay · Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2004 1:48 pm Post subject: What?

I'm sorry Fighter, but what?
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JSH357 · Joined: 02 Feb 2003 Posts: 1705

di si sum mad shit, yo!

Eggie · Joined: 12 May 2003 Posts: 904

Eggie · Joined: 12 May 2003 Posts: 904

I have decided to change, "not without" to "as I'm spunnin' out," 'Casue the character is spunnin' out on his life. It's not just to rhyme, it's to inform.