Castle Paradox

[Hercule Pro]

If you play the Demo of The Adventures Of Siege you see that the story is VERY bad.
If you didn't play it then here is the story: In your dream you see that someone is stealing the statue of live.
When you wake up you think it's just a nightmare.
You want to know what it means and you go to Drunko to ask it.
You have to buy him a drink and then he say that it really happened.
Then you have to go to Thomson because he knows more about the robbery.
If you go to Thomson he say that you have to get the Statue back.
but you can't go alone so you go together with your friend 'Sean'.

that's why I made a new story:
A long time ago there were 2 gods:the god of life and the god of death.
Their task was to create a balance between the things that were alive and the things that were dead.
The balance existed for many years.
But then an unknown 'guy' (I don't know what it will be) broke it.
The 'guy' sealed away the 2 gods into Statues: The Statue Of Life and The Statue Of Death. So he could use their power.
Because of this the land become unstable.
Many people died without a reason and some people said that they could hear the trees speaking and the ground moving.
When all hope was gone a hero came and defeated the 'guy'.
Inside the 'guy''s clothes the hero found a pearl that contained the power of the 'guy'.
With that power he recreated the balance and the peace returned to the land.
however the statues contained evil magic and they were to strong to be destroyed so the hero hide them somewhere in the hope nobody could release the evil gods.
Where the pearl is now... nobody knows.
...The statues rested in there hideplaces for a long time...
Until today...
Say what you think about the story (the NEW story), what is good or bad about it or say what can be done better.

[Calehay]

Hm...

The new story is much more developed than the old one, however, you still make a few problems in the new one that you made in the old one.

The God of Life and Death: Why is their task to create a balance? Who ordered them to do it? Or is it of their free will, they wanted a balance between all things living and dead.

Why does the unknown guy break it? (I can see a semi response to this, as you could say that he just wants power. Many RPGs have this idea to them, but I highly disagree with that idea.

Just a random hero defeats 'guy'? Why does 'guy' have a pearl of power? I thought he had the power of the two gods? Did he merge them together to get the pearl?

Why did the statues contain evil magic?

Now, looking at the old story:

What is the statue of live?
Who is Drnko and why does he know something about it?
Who is Thompson and why does he know about it?
Why do you have to get the statue back?

Of course, you could fix both. Personally, I think the new one would be the better one, but it's up to you.
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Calehay

[LeRoy_Leo]

The new one certainly is more interesting than the original one. You thought about it some more, I reckon, and it evolved.

Many stories can turn out great even if they are full of loose ends. As long as one does something new, adds some sort of twist, then it is perfectly fine to "rehash" something. It is foolish to try and start with something original. Start with something great and make it better. In a lot of incidents, your story will turn out to be something completely different from what you started with as it evolves. Whether one agrees with my point, or not, it doesn't matter.

Making a story is NOT about putting down ideas and going with them. Ideas must be channeled, evolved, and built as you think of the story. The more you think of it, the more questions will be answered. Sometimes the answers just come to a person without them even trying. The fact is, trying too hard makes the task pointless, often half baked ideas will emerge. Then one will think that their ideas are great because they put so much effort into thinking of them. That which I speak of is not true creativity. Spare yourself from shame and isolation. Take to heart these words.

If you want suggestions, let me recharge and ask me over PMs. I just wanted to share what I have learned from my experiences with stories.
Bless your heart for trying, brother. Your journey is far from even beginning. Have faith, and be stubborn with your goals. When one set's their mind to completing something, often times that task is completed. It's like magic.

Translation: Keep it up, dude. You have a great start. Throw a few more twists in it and you will have it.
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Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "