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Invisible storytelling

 
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junahu
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 6:08 am    Post subject: Invisible storytelling Reply with quote

I don't know the real name for it, I thought it might be a good thing to discuss.

Anyway, by invisible storytelling I mean implying the story rather than telling it. Something like 'a man and woman go into a old house together and come out the next day'. What the couple actually did is for the audience's imagination to decide. In this way the story can appeal to everyone because you're not dictating to them what's happening.

I'm mention all this because I want to know how everyone else feels about 'invisible storytelling' (Or whatever it's really called). Does it enrich the gaming experience, or is it a hollow and lazy trick whereby the player sees something where there really is nothing?
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Moogle1
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 6:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It can be very effective if done right, but it can be very lame if done wrong.
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LeRoy_Leo
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 2:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

... That's what I was thinking. I learned about something LIKE this technique several months ago in a "Writing Composition" class. Avoiding the use of too many possessive pronouns ("His, hers, their, theirs") and using words like "The, A, How and What" (mostly "The and A") created a sort of a "narratorial anarchy" in writing. Unfortunately, I forgot what the technique was called. Oookay...
"Invisible Story-Telling" is a pretty accurate way to describe it, though. 'Works best with short stories, of course.

Let me see if I can pull out an example... I doubt it, but here goes...

~The wind blew leaves along a patchy lawn and a sweet silence blanketed a shadey neighborhood drive. The silence was abruptly shattered by a booming voice and the resting, dead leaves jumped. A clean-dressed man walked swiftly out the door and across the deck, his handsome face in an expression strained like a frantically uncrumpled newpaper. He strided across the dead lawn and tugged his driver's side door open. He flopped down into the car seat without even glancing at the house.
A woman slammed the door against the wall and stumbled out onto the deck as quickly as the door shut. Before she was able to shout, the man's car was backed into a neighbor's elm tree...~

Is that sort of what you were talking about? I can't tell. Seems like any old piece of writing to me... And its certainly not novel. Oookay...
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junahu
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 1:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, that example you gave is almost exactly what I was getting at. I couldn't tell from your post but did you write that? If not then who did because I need to find out if the car burst into flames.
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Joe Man




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PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 8:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"...A space shuttel floated in it's orbit over the lush, green and blue planet. A door opened in the side, and a character, dressed in a white protective suit, foated out of the gaping hole. He kicked his feet against the hull of the ship, and sped right towards the planet. Across the silent vaccum, he could see his comrades screaming to him, helplessly from the safety of the craft, but the man just turned to face the vast sea of green. The man made out a bright light on the planet, and soon saw a flaming volvo fly straight up towards himself...."

Not as good as the last one, but it continues the story.
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Last edited by Joe Man on Fri Dec 13, 1957 1:21 am; edited 2,892 time in total
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LeRoy_Leo
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 9:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Joeman: Ha ha ha! That's pretty good, man. I love the way it ended. You have demonstrated that you grasped the concept... At least what we are pretty sure is the concept...

Jun: Yeah, I wrote it. And I'm not telling you what happens next. That would ruin the magic. You tell me...
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junahu
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 2:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So you did write it.
Your storytelling has improved considerably.


~The wind blew leaves along a patchy lawn and a sweet silence blanketed a shadey neighborhood drive. The silence was abruptly shattered by a booming voice and the resting, dead leaves jumped. A clean-dressed man walked swiftly out the door and across the deck, his handsome face in an expression strained like a frantically uncrumpled newpaper. He strided across the dead lawn and tugged his driver's side door open. He flopped down into the car seat without even glancing at the house.
A woman slammed the door against the wall and stumbled out onto the deck as quickly as the door shut. Before she was able to shout, the man's car was backed into a neighbor's elm tree...~

Oookay... I know you were only giving an example but the urge to make suggestions is just too great (forgive me)

1) Repetition of 'silence'. You could replace the first one with 'tranquility'

2) The second sentence feels like two separate sentences

'The silence was abruptly shattered by a booming voice. The dead leaves jumped.'
(doesn't actually read any better Oookay... )

3) The image 'frantically uncrumpled newspaper' would be better if the newspaper had a physical presence in the scene.

'an expression strained like the frantically uncrumpled newpaper in his hand'
(In this example I linked the image of the newspaper directly with the man's demeanor thus implying that the newspaper, or something in the newspaper, is a contributing factor to this situation)

4) You didn't give a possessive noun to 'the dead lawn' but you did give one to 'his driver's side door '. Replacing 'his' with 'the' could help.

5) 'slammed the door against the wall' seems purposeful, as if the woman wanted to smash the door against the wall.

' The door slammed against the wall and out stumbled a frantic woman.'
(By making the door seem to slam itself, the woman can't be construed as being angry... although I screwed up by calling her a 'frantic woman' Oookay... )

6) The last sentence should be longer to help build up suspense

'Before she was able to shout, before she could deliver to him the urgency of the situation, before she could even draw breath... the man's car was backed into a neighbor's elm tree...'


I'm really sorry I did that. The story was still pretty damn good. Those points I made were the only room for improvement I could find.
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LeRoy_Leo
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 12:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for pointing those out. I think repetition is one of my greatest enemies. I need to slaughter it. I also like your other suggestions. But alas, this thread is about the method...

And bad is currently winning the polls. XD
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Raekuul
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 23, 2005 7:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

junahu wrote:

3) The image 'frantically uncrumpled newspaper' would be better if the newspaper had a physical presence in the scene.

'an expression strained like the frantically uncrumpled newpaper in his hand'


While true, Most people would get the image without the physical presence. Besides, the newspaper being in there makes it seem like they were fleeing from someone in the morning. Now I've talked myself into a corner... Oookay...
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Joe Man




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PostPosted: Sat Jul 23, 2005 7:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Raekuul wrote:
junahu wrote:

3) The image 'frantically uncrumpled newspaper' would be better if the newspaper had a physical presence in the scene.

'an expression strained like the frantically uncrumpled newpaper in his hand'


While true, Most people would get the image without the physical presence. Besides, the newspaper being in there makes it seem like they were fleeing from someone in the morning. Now I've talked myself into a corner... Oookay...

Or he just picked it up and noticed something displeasing. Hmm...
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Last edited by Joe Man on Fri Dec 13, 1957 1:21 am; edited 2,892 time in total
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LeRoy_Leo
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 12:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Raekuul wrote:
While true, Most people would get the image without the physical presence. Besides, the newspaper being in there makes it seem like they were fleeing from someone in the morning. Now I've talked myself into a corner... Oookay...


No, I think you have a good point. Nothing too tengible can be revealed in this type of story telling, if what I understand is correct. It is like how Jun caught me on something about the woman slamming the door that revealed too much to the audience. In conclusion, this style is challenging, and so much fun. Don't you agree?

PS: I need to show this to my composition teacher. Then maybe she'll tell me what that other technique was called. It involved telling a story backwards, or something... It was really cool.
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PK




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PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 5:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I personaly find this isa more effective way of telling a story, i seem to have forgotten the name too
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