Castle Paradox

[Joe Man]

It all started one Tuesday. An ordinary tuesday of the first semester. Alive and enrolled was an unordinary fellow named Alex. Not someone you'd notice. Alex was a nice enough guy, just seventeen and in his Junior year. No friends to speak of, fewer enemies, but mostly people who simply thought nothing of him.

So back to Tuesday, it was then that Alex was eating lunch, which he ate inconspicouly by a slightly protruding sewer lid near the corner of the school courtyard where people tended to go during lunch since it was usually pleasant weather outside and loud inside. So Alex was eating, when out of this sewer suddenly burst a thirty-six tall bronze genie, with a magnificent mane reaching across campus, and in his six arms he weilded eight heavy metal solid body guitars, with two to three fretboards apiece and whammy bars modeled after erect penises. Strumming in 21 part solid steel harmony, the Genie bellowed a wail from the bowels of his lungs to the comparatively petite Alex.

"I am Iiilijtnovtzhtaghnajhiidu!" Said he, and this was true, for wild as it sounds Iiilijtnovtzhtaghnajhiidu was his name, "And you have been CHOSEN!!!!" He put such forceful emphasis on the last word that his very nipples (of which he had five) clenched like no lesbian has ever imagined and spewed flaming kerosene and his whammy bars flailed in wild dischord.

Alex, who's uninteresting life led him to expect nothing, was more confused that frightened. Questions raced through his mind, including whether this genie had any association with Gwar and why such incredible sexiness was lacking all but a thick vapor below the waist. He eventually chose to ask his original question: "What?"

"You have been chosen to consume your lunch, travel across the campus to the gym, climb the unscalable wall to the pool, and dive into the pool to meet your new master!" This was sung in four part harmony accompanied by a choir of moaning nude women slinking out of his manhole. "You will go on to rock the balls off of this school!!!!" When he said this everything got really crazy, cause a dinosaur cyborg powered by a submarine nuclear reactor and bleeding diesel smashed through B wing, and it was torn apart by succabusses and its gissards stretched across a penis that grew out of the ground (absoutely rock-solid it was) and the moon, and the hand of God joined the genie's liquid metal on the gizzard axe. With an abrupt unclimactic pop it all disappeared.

Alex had no objection, so he finished his banana and sandwich and set off to the gym.
_________________
"Everyone has 200,000 bad drawings in them, the sooner you get them out the better."
~Charles Martin Jones

Last edited by Joe Man on Fri Dec 13, 1957 1:21 am; edited 2,892 time in total

[Joe Man]

Alex's jouney to the gym was an epic in itself, and spanned 127 different concrete tiles, one with a pretty little irridescent beetle. The third one actually. And there was a trail of ants going between two aswell. It was very pretty. There was a brief violent encounter with a gargoyle, but nothing to write home about.

So Alex reached the wall of the gym. The wall was very tall, and it was pretty flat compared to a tree which made it harder to climb. For three days Alex stared it down, and occasionally tried to get his hands in it or pounce it. None of te nearby trees were big enough either. This was a little tiresome, of coure, so he went over to the circle of potheads in the corner to take a puff and wind down.

Then there was a loud rumble. It came from one guy's stomach, but it wasn't the munchies, it was a gargoyle bursting out of his stomach, seeking revenge on Alex for ripping his mother's spine out. He waited two days in the cafeteria food to attack, but was eaten after someone smoked a field of cannabis. Alex thought this was pretty trippy, so he offered it a joint. It would seem that gargoyles love marijuana, because it accepted the offering and gleefully rode Alex up to the rooftop.

On the gym roof was a pool, which Alex thought was pretty cool.
_________________
"Everyone has 200,000 bad drawings in them, the sooner you get them out the better."
~Charles Martin Jones

Last edited by Joe Man on Fri Dec 13, 1957 1:21 am; edited 2,892 time in total

[Joe Man]

Having a pool on top of a gym is some pretty impressive architecture, so Alex spent some time musing over that and where his master was. Disappointingly there wasn't a high dive for him to sit on, cause if there was he was pretty sure he'd see most of campus. What he did see, though, was a very large Darwin fish, that is, a fish with legs and the word "DARWIN" written on the side in some abnormality that ultimately proved that God could not exist to let such awful proof against evolution lacking any niche or for that matter genitalia to be alive, and would probably go extinct. But regardless, the abomination was Alex's new master.

"So did Iiilijtnovtzhtaghnajhiidu send you?" The words had a startling feminine quality, adding insult to injury, and shocking Alex who thought that it was a mascot.

Alex replied, "HEAgh--Ye-eah," half jumping and stuttering.

"Well I'm your master then." replied the Darwin fish. "So I guess I'm supposed to teach you how to do this?" And with that the ground below it cracked, and suddenly the fish was launched to some dangerous altitude, and the sun turned black, and the water in the pool parted, and finally Satan emerged on a strobe-lit stage, dressed all in hardcore armor and holding a gattling in one hand and two welded-together chainsaws in the other. With a sonic boom the fish launched straight at Satan, with gattling blazing all the while, yet all missing, so when it was in range Satan threw the gattling at it and got all kenjutsu with that chainsaw, and after a rather impressive 15 minute sweat-fest involving contortionist kung-fu they each banished each other from their respective worlds with kicks to the groin.

"Uh-huh."

"Ah, well then here you go. I just deal in steroids." It injected Alex with a syringe of what looked more like hamsters, but it had an instant effect. Barely as soon as the needle touched his skin Alex grew muscles of such bulk and burliness he split atoms at his elbow just from flexing, and his manhood was enhanced to such a quality that extradimensional superbabes banged him constantly and manwhores ejaculated to his image. To protect himself, he cloaked himself tip to toe all in black, and since he looked so badass he exhaled a katana, a daito, a satchel of shurikens and a guillotine.

The Student Body Ninja was born.
_________________
"Everyone has 200,000 bad drawings in them, the sooner you get them out the better."
~Charles Martin Jones

Last edited by Joe Man on Fri Dec 13, 1957 1:21 am; edited 2,892 time in total

[Lyhn Sohler]

Uh... Are you gonna continue this? ^.^