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Mormon Mission vs. Shadowiii
Mormon Mission Well, I suppose that is one way to start a game.
Download: 95 KB
Play Time: 0 hours and 10 minutes
Review # 19 for Shadowiii Well, I suppose that is one way to start a game.
Them's Fightin' Words
    There is a time in life when crude humor is funny. Take Shrek for example, or Austin Powers. Then there is another time when it just isn't funny at all. That is, the swearing and dirty jokes just don't add up to something funny. Mormon Mission fits in this catagory. Where the original concept is hilarous, the overuse of profanity degrades from the game, and overall emits an aura not of enjoyment, but of displeasure.
    The graphics are decent. The overall color style of the Brazillian rain forest is good, and a few of the NPC's are rather humerous to look at. (Moogle1 in his suit for instance). But overall the graphics are certainly nothing exceptional. The tilemaps are very griddy, and the swamp consists of one solid brown color with a few bizzare bubbles (?) percolationg up. The trees, though definatly a nice start, are flat looking. I think my favorite graphic was that crocodile, who looked really awesome. But besides that, there was nothing exceptional about the maptiles.

The NPC's, on the other hand, were very well done. There was quite a bit of detail put into them. Also, many of the NPC's had animations and actions that helped advance the "storyline", which was done exceptionally well. Overall, the NPC's looked really good.
    Since dialogue is a part of story, I'll put my complaints here. The story itself is somewhat humerous: a dancing star turned commando decides to kidnap Moogle1 and take him...away. He is armed with matches covered with his own fecies, and...yeah, you get the picture. He suceeds in taking Moogle1 away from the orphenage where he is "serving", and then fends off nazies and the like until the end of the story. Oh yeah, you get to kill Santa and catch falling Japanese school girls too. Eh.

Now, there are a few things I fail to understand. First, why is this called Mormon Mission? It has nothing to do with Mormons, or what they do on Missions (though they do help orphinages they are rarely stationed there), besides the fact that Moogle1 is on one in Brazil right now. The title is stupid, to be blunt, and it doesn't fit the game at all. I know I'm probably being a whiney-butt about this, but it is just...stupid.

But my biggest complaint about this game is its amazing overuse of profanity. Not only is 95% of the game's text swearing, but it tends to be gross out swearing too. I'll hold back on examples for those at school...but it is extremely profane. The part that was really irritating is almost all of the profanity is pointless. Yes, pointless. The story could have been told in a similarly humerous fashon without having to resort to swearing like a madman the entire time. Sure some of the dialoge was humerous, but most was marred by the fact that the humor consisted of either a. Gross out humor or b. Putrid overuse of swearing. I mean, seriously, a game can be funny without having to be disgusting.

Also, having Moogle1 swear, though an interesting...thing (for lack of a better word), was completely not...(my bad vocabulary is creeping up on me! Argh) cool. I mean, for those who know him, Moogle1 didn't swear often (if at all), and even though making him swear while "on his mission" was definatly ironic, it wasn't funny.
    The gameplay consisted of a few simple minigames, each with different points to them and each with a varying difficulty. Overall the game isn't that hard. I'll go over each minigame here.

"Square Peg in a Round Hole" - Basically you are trying to get some kid to pound a square peg into a round hole. The kid will run further away from the hole, and then you'll press D to make him run towards it and smack it. This game was either mis-plotscripted or was ment to be too easy...I first tried to time it, then said "screw this" and hit d over and over until the plot continued. It doesn't really work, to say the least.

"Kill the Nazi" - I rather liked this one. Basically you hid behind a tree and then hit either w, a, s, or d to make the Nazi run different directions through the maze. The thing was, it isn't traditional controls. W isn't up, A isn't right, etc. This makes theh game slightly more difficult, but overall it still is a cinch, because you only need to know Up and Left to beat it, because he turns around when he hits a wall, and he runs fast enough so that you can just make him run into a wall instaed of turning down/right. Easy gime, though a little hard at first.

"Fight the...erm...lets just call him 'guy.'" - Simple enough, press D to dodge and...was it W to attack? Or M? Can't remember. Anyway, this one was a little more difficult first try, but overall not too tough. Basically you...dodged or attacked.

"Catch the Schoolgirls" - Well, you are falling from a plane, and in the sky are...bags of something (I dunno) and Japanese Schoolgirls for some reason. So, you can choose who you want to catch. Depending on how many you get depends on the...erm...results afterwords. This game doesn't really matter in terms of plot development, so...
  Map Design
    I don't know why I'm commenting here, but map design is your traditional "walk to the end of the road." Because this is a game that consists of a lot of mini-games, map design doesnt' really matter.
    I didn't recognize the tunes, but they were catchy and fit. I won't go as far to say they were original, but they were...there. They didn't do anything exceptional to the game except make it not silent, which was certianly good.
    I...didn't enjoy this game. Not one bit, to be honest. I was pretty much disgusted after the first text box, and after that it had a few up points (the Nazies) but it was a slump most of the time. I am not one for gross out / dirty humor or a lot of profanity, so I guess people who DO like that kind of thing will enjoy this game. Be warned that it is not school or work safe by any means, nor is it very parent safe if they catch it on screen.

Overall, though I usually enjoy Chaos Nite's dialogue (It Came from Beyond the Moon and Joke were hilarious), this one was a miss. Stupid, sick, and pointless.
Final Blows
    What can I say that I haven't said before? This game is basically one laugh riot after another. If you enjoy a guy shoving matches up his @$$ and continuious jokes about "cocks." I would only recommend the game if you can take that kind of stuff and think its funny (if you liked Gopher Ball Z you might enjoy this game...) but other then that, don't bother.

And for all those wondering, a Mormon mission isn't like that in the least., this game keeps getting better and better., this game keeps getting better and better.
Final Scores
Graphics: 5.5/10.0
They look great, but nothing exceptional. The maptiles are ugly and griddy, but the NPC's do have a nice style to them. Moogle1's "suit" was funny.
Storyline: 2/10.0
Was there a story? Why did they kidnap Moogle1 is what I want to know. It is never really resolved...but it never really had purpose in the first place. You can tell the dialogue is well-crafted (would you expect less from CN?), but it is used inappropriately.
Gameplay: 4.5/10.0
Fun, but easy. Most of the minigames are somewhat pointless, even if they are funny. The overall experience isn't anything to get excited over.
Music: 2.5/10.0
It...just was. There was music. It played. It was pointless, but at least the game wasn't silent.
Enjoyment: 1/10.0
Why isn't there anything lower then a 1.0? I mean, 0.5/10 or 0.1/10 seems somewhat appropriate. I did chuckle a few times in the Nazi scenes (when he got eaten by an anerexic supermodel for instance) but overall the game wasn't fun. Between the easy and pointless minigames and the overly profane dialogue, I'd suggest you steer away.
Overall Grade: F+
Final Thoughts
    Sick? Yes. Dirty? Undoubtably. Profane? Extreme. Funny? No.  

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