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Better Than the Worst: A Newbie's Guide to Sidestepping Ridicule (Part 1)

By: Pepsi Ranger

  Throughout all of history, man has been impatient to getting what he wants. There has never been a specific desire that’s gone untouched in a person’s mind. Whether the feeling of need is premeditated or impulsive, nothing has escaped the urge to get what’s due. From winning a date with the girl next door, to winning the fame of the entire world, every step has been marked with the demand to have it now. But, what has impatience taught us, other than the embarrassment of buying a DVD player for $300 when that same store ends up marking it down to $150 the following week? It teaches that the world is full of bad choices and low-quality junk.

  "But, what’s wrong with the junk of the world?" you may ask. True, without junk, who will have the spare parts needed to replace things when the good stuff finally gets old? Without junk, how would anyone know what’s really great and legendary? Without junk, why would we dream of the best there is to have? The truth is, we do need junk -- not to celebrate the goods of society, but to know where we went wrong.

  There was a game that came out awhile back that every OHR surfer knows about. It’s a game that is not known it for its wonderful graphics or amazing sound. It’s certainly not recognized for its awesome gameplay or use of wallmaps. It’s also not recognized for its ability to tell an incredible story. Rather, it’s recognized as the joke of the community and the one game that can do no worse. Of course, this game is called Magnus, and no one has any real respect for it.

  Why? Why has it earned such a low regard? Nothing can be so bad that it earns every medal of dishonor that a community can dish out, can there? I mean, the author must have put some heart into his project, right? Or, was Magnus the product of every newbie mistake imaginable? Who can really say for sure? It’s probably just some massive conspiracy to gang up on one person’s hard work, so that everyone else won’t feel so inadequate about his or her games, right? Maybe, but maybe not.

  This article is not meant to slam Magnus, or even examine it. The truth is, I really haven’t played it other than to see what it looks like. I don’t know what the story is, or why it’s considered a full game. I just know that it has a lot of problems, most people make a point that it has problems, and that many games that were released since then have suffered from similar ailments, seemingly ignoring the mistakes of their forefathers.

  So, why should a newbie author care how good or how bad Magnus, or any other game really is? It’s not our game, right? As long as we have our game out by next week and that everyone will like it because it’s the best thing to come out since Pac-Man, than we’re content, right? We’ll submit it on Operation: OHR where Dalaran, Pepsi Ranger, or somebody else will give it a perfect ten on the review because they suck if they don’t. Then, OHR Monthly will come out a few days later to reveal that it’s not just the game of the month, but rather the game of the year. Finally, when awards time rolls around, every voter will pick our game to win every category because they suck if they don’t. Then we’ll be the kings of the world because our game is the best thing ever. But, then somebody will smack us hard across the back of the head, and counteract it with a backhand against the face, and we’ll wake up to realize we just created Magnus 2: The Sequel.

  "So, what’s the point of this article?" you may ask. "Why pick on us newbies so badly? All you veterans were newbies too at one time, right? You all made crappy games at one time too, right? What right do you have to say our games are jokes? Maybe our games are the good ones, and your games are the ones that suck. Ever think of that?" Well, if this is your response to the criticism of critics, then relax because this article is not meant to ostracize us. It’s meant to help us.

  "Why do you keep referring to newbies as ‘us’?" you may ask. Well, technically I’m a newbie too. Up until eight months ago, I didn’t think I could even make an RPG game. Some may play my game and argue that I still can’t make an RPG, but others may play it and think it’s good. Why? Why would a newbie have a game that someone would actually consider (dare I say it) "good?" Isn’t that some forbidden rule or something? No, not really. Here’s why:

  Lesson #1: Patience is a Virtue.

  "Oh, yeah right. You just said yourself awhile back that impatience brings forth junk -- which we all need to decipher the better things in life, right? Some virtue!" Again, calm down. I’ll admit that it’s hard to have patience about something that’s exciting and new, but try it anyway. Even though I haven’t played every OHR game available, I have played enough to separate the good from the bad, and I can say that the bad is really bad. Why is it bad? Because it’s clearly a rushed effort, that’s why. The worse games (or anything for that matter) that a person can find are the ones that have no time devoted to them. Okay, maybe there’s actually a lot of time devoted to them, but why are they still considered rushed? The object behind the first lesson is to know that no one wants to play an unpolished or unfinished product. Too often, we newbies think that what we have is an amazing effort, and in our excitement to share that, we release something that’s not yet ready. Then our "pride and joy" becomes a laughing stock, and if we still have courage later to stick our heads back into the community, we don’t have enough guts to bring our beloved project with us. I know this well because I almost did it twice.

  So, how do we fight impatience?" you may ask. Well, that’s more of a spiritual question than a gaming question, but I can say that it requires a certain will power. "Okay, well that’s pretty lame," you may say, but that’s the way it goes. Without getting past step one of the "Making a Better Newbie" process, then the continuation of this article will be pretty useless. However, if the battle against impatience can be won, then there’s still a lot of hope that a newbie game can be wonderful. In fact, I guarantee that some of the best games available are newbie projects. Which ones, I really don’t know, but they’re out there, and they’re begging you to study them.

  Hopefully, lesson one will encourage all newbies to spend a little extra time making a better game. Since that is the most important step, I will end this part of the article here in an effort to allow some time for reflection. Part two will list some steps that I found helpful in my game development, so stay tuned for that.