Castle Paradox

Uncommon · Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2003 4:27 am Post subject:

Define "normal".

Rolling Stone · **Bastard Gunslinger** Joined: 21 Jan 2003 Posts: 494

And so, in a desperate attempt to wrap this thing up, John Wayne cast a spell which sent them hurtling through time and space, 20 years into the future, to the dark side of the moon where Reniqua-something, the fair maiden, the cross dressing teacher, and a legion of zombies ran the world from a secret moon base. The world had been a messy dystopia for awhile now where helping one another was punishable by death and you weren't allowed to apply knowledge to life unless you'd learned it from a book, this was convenient as the group of evil moon men and their zombies controlled the media. It was communism in reverse, which was pretty much just as bad as communism.

There was one zombie who wrote the truth though, his name was Ben Franklin, and the badguys let him keep writing because they couldn't tell one zombie from another, and a sliver of truth and justice was allowed to exist for the sake of an entire legion of brainwashed slugs. And besides, most people accepted what the other zombies had written as truth, and decided that Ben Franklin's anti-war novel "The Dancinest Nigra on the Plantation" was nothing more than the psychotic ramblings of a shell shocked veteran, as who in their right mind would deny how glorious it is to crawl through piles of rotting bodies that would make one vomit and twitch at their mere sight?

John Wayne had been an old war buddy with Ben Franklin and new from his other travels through time that Franklin would wind up here. Objective one was to seek out this fellow and use what he knew about the place to infiltrate the base and play a little soccer with that severed head fella.
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Seth · Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2003 5:28 am Post subject:

So the Bruce dug a hole and buried a packet of Viagra...
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Seth · Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2003 10:40 am Post subject:

Which turned into a talking Viagra Tree. It said...
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Rolling Stone · **Bastard Gunslinger** Joined: 21 Jan 2003 Posts: 494

"This is getting pointless and your readers are losing interest, I'll give you a ride in my branches to the secret HQ where the badguys are holding princess Abraham Lincoln (Yes, THE Princess Abe Lincoln)." And that he did.

SO, there they were face to face with the severed head, the cross dressing gym teacher, the pretty vampire girl and Bill the Butcher Poole, famous gang leader from 1850's New York, he didn't want to fight, he just liked watching. Behind these four stood Abraham Lincoln who looked exactly like Olive Oyl with a top hat and a beard as he squealed "he-ELP ME! he-ELP ME!"

"Alright ya durned fools" said John "It's time for a showdown". He looked to his right and saw Bobby standing ready but scared as this was his first battle, he may or may not have seen Batman because I don't know whether or not he came with them, and he saw who was the other guy that joined them? Well it doesn't matter, point is they had a big damn fight, and they all died, except for Robert and Lincoln who went on to be married. They had a son who was sent back in time to the Vietnam War because they didn't have enough soldiers to die for no good reason and needed one more. And one night as Robert looks out the window, Abe puts his hand on Bobby's shoulder and asks what he's thinking of. Bobby turns slowly and says "Does it matter?"

No it doesn't.
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Seth · Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2003 2:48 am Post subject:

And then Bobby loked Deep into Abe's eyes, their faces moved close together, and they...
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Flamer · Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2003 7:37 am Post subject:

started yelling at each other on who would win the superbowl, they went on until...
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Shadowiii · **It's been real.** Joined: 14 Feb 2003 Posts: 2460

Hell froze over. :flamedevil: Oookay...

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But enough talk, have at you!

Pepsi Ranger · Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2003 7:15 am Post subject:

THE END!!!!!

...aw dang, and this was supposed to be never ending.
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Rolling Stone · **Bastard Gunslinger** Joined: 21 Jan 2003 Posts: 494

... Screamed the Ninja Robot John Wayne as he leaped out of a closet.

"B-B-B-But you're d-d-d-dead!" Bobby said in shock.

"Pilgrim this is THE END for you! Neither friend nor enemy I'm like you, ain't got no name there pardner."

"Not friend yet you call me pardner"

"Don't be so nitpicky you old worry wart." And with that John Wayne sliced Bobby in two perfectly equal, atomically accurate halves, then said "How do for you!" to Abe Lincoln. He stole Lincoln's hat and Lincoln instantly died. John tapped the top of the hat and out fell the severed heads of every character in the entire story.

"Presto Chango!" said Mr. Wayne. Then he pressed a button and the universe blew up, as well as any trace of life or spark of electricity that might cause another big bang. Yes, he destroyed himself and existence itself. And in the split seconds between now and oblivion, he beat God to death with his own peg leg to be completely sure that no second universe would be created. Then he destroyed every philosophy by erasing concious thought. Why did he do all this? To make damn sure... DAMN SURE, that this was truly, finally, painfully and heartbreakingly.....

THE LIVING END.. Or is it...? Yes, it is in fact THE END. That means that the audience just got up and left, no need for a curtain call, go out into the lobby to see how they liked it.
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Uncommon · Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2003 4:28 am Post subject:

So, John Wayne killed himself, certain that all matter was gone, and that he had destroyed everything in existence.

Unfortunately, Mr. Wayne overlooked a crucial bit of matter. Bobby's rodeo clown suit! Little did John know that within this suit, the power of all life rested. It was ordained by The Most High for just such a purpose as to restore life to the entire universe.

It chose but four human lives to restore, and these were Relia, Rigorbeirto, Ricardo, and Ricardo. The Ricardoes aren't important just yet, so let's go see what Rigorbeirto and Reia are doing, shall we?

"Relia, we are back!"
"Of course we are, we're immortal... We cannot die!"
"Let us never be apart again!"

... Okay, that's great and all, but pretty boring. So, Rigorbeirto and Relia went on to live a happy life for the rest of eternity, but were never heard from again! Hurrah!

So, what about the Ricardoes? Well, let's just say that they lied about being brother and sister, they were actually husband and wife. So, the world continued henceforth, much as it had before, except that everyone was named Ricardo.

Until one day, when a couple of radical extremists named their man-child Rudigard, though he was normally called Rudy. Rudy's life was hard, as everyone laughed at him for not being named Ricardo, until one day, when he was full-grown, he got tired of everyone being the same, so he wanted to started a revolution. This is his story...

Mythril Man · Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2003 8:59 am Post subject:

*sob...sob*...

This story has touched me in a way no other ridiculously wierd and wacky story has ever touched me before...

I was just so sad when the universe was suddenly destroyed...

But thankfully it all turned out alright.

One thing is for sure, I take back all possibilities of someone making this into a game. It would make the worst game in the history of OHR.

But still, it was very interesting and hopefully it doesn't die here.
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Uncommon · Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2003 2:33 am Post subject:

Amy · Joined: 24 Apr 2003 Posts: 10

Blazes Battles Inc. · **I'm a chimp, not a** Joined: 25 Jan 2003 Posts: 505

Eh... an OHR game based on this story or the worst game ever?
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