Castle Paradox

jabbercat · Posted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 10:11 am Post subject:

but alas , some evil force detected the wonderful dream and made it reality . And so the Jabbercat set his sights to the west of the world , and sent a small section of his army to investigate ...

junahu · Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2004 3:12 am Post subject:

Of course, considering the previous major plot string, the very idea of jabbercat rising from the grave and comanding an army he no longer had was seen as pure stupidity. Of course, then again, the plot was never akin to making much sense so the authors just 'went with it'.

The newly risen 'evil' Jabbercat (which we will assume was risen from the same evil that made the wonderful dream a reality) took his army to the west where the majority of the golden spam tin fragments had been hidden. Swifty Jabbercat's army collected them and began piecing the tin back together. This action alone took most of a year and many complex calculations to achieve. When this was done the tin was half complete. Jabbercat knew there were pieces scattered to the east as well and began to mobalise the army when suddenly a figure emerged from the shadows. It was Tipturp who had taken a vow to watch over the pieces of tin! Tipturp blocked his path with a deadly seriousness that was unnatural to him. Tipturp shouted...
_________________

LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2004 8:03 am Post subject:

"Hey! FAT HEAD!" And Jabbercat jumped back in surprise. Not because of TipTurp's powerful presance, but because this wierd spirit hung behind him and was commanding Jabbercat to "Run away... Very fast..."

Jabbercat was confused. He was pretty confident that he could easily do away with TipTurp, as he was an immortal zombie thing. But if the spirit was trying to help him, then he would obey it regardless of the circumstances. Then the spirit spun TipTurp around with great force and punches him aimlessly into the horrizon.

Unhinderred, Jabbercat continued his quest. However, the spirit was not there to help him but to reap the rewards of his journey. Why he didn't wait till the quest was over is unknown to the heroes.
TipTurp was not the only one who heard that Jabbercat had returned and had joined the dark side. So did the others, and they-
_________________
Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "

jabbercat · Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2004 10:32 am Post subject:

decided to cast scry on Jabbercat and his forces.

Jabbercat's forces were thinning by day , due to the west winds. But , Jabbercat had finished his transformation into lich , securing his place among the gods. Yet , Jabbercat still had a foe , much more powerful than Tipturp. In preperation for what could be a assult on a villiage in the west , Jabbercat's army of undead skeletons made him a temple and mighty fort , made out of Sliver dragon skin , and harder than steel . But , Jabbercat had not forseen that his once faithful second-in command would seek his prized book of magic ....

junahu · Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 5:48 am Post subject:

... and use it to destroy the temple. Jabbercat just barely escaped by commanding enough of his skeleton minions to jump into a pit that blocked his path thus creating a makeshift bridge across the chasm. Jabbercat and the other (three) survivors camped out next to the ruins deciding their next plan of action. He sent the +13 setu word tape dragon off to capture the one who stole his book and mobalised his pitiful group eastwards towards the remaining tin shards.

...Rufus was running off over the hillside clutching the book, sweat beading down his feathery face. He could hear the dull flap of the dragon's wings echoeing nearer. He was running out of time when from the heavens, the turtle balloon descended. The pilot dragged Rufus aboard and summoned a wind to bear them east. Much to his surprise, the pilot was neither tipturp or the eccentric puddle tipwhip but a stranger who named himself Sinnek. Sinnek introduced himself formally then...
_________________

LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 9:48 am Post subject:

Whipped out a shadey dirk stating.
"HAH! Now, you're mine! Hand over the book, ye' filthy varmin"

Rufus didn't know what to do. He wasn't sure wich was worse, being hostabe to a phycho with a knife, or a vicous word tape dragon, bent stealing his prize and devouring his bones. Not to mention that he was going to loose the book to Sinnek anyway.

Surprizingly, Sinnek...

junahu · Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 4:34 am Post subject:

...was a GOOD guy which meant that none of the previous had actually happened. So sinnek formally introduced himself (feeling an inkling of deja vu) and piloted the turtle balloon east, away from the dragon.

A few days of floating passed and eventually, Rufus spotted a turtle village on the horizon. Sinnek landed them in the village square and introduced himself to the inhabitants. He thanked them for allowing him to use their balloon and hurried off to meet one of the turtles standing by. It was Tipturp. He was looking a little worse for wear after his scrape with Jabbercat but he was still alive. To Tipturp left was that enigmatic puddle, supertip who had been nursing tipturp yet again and was seriously considering becoming a medical practitioner. There was a great feast that night but sinnek chose to eat alone, watching the stars...
_________________

Shadowiii · **It's been real.** Joined: 14 Feb 2003 Posts: 2460

and yelling "JOEZ HEER!" at the top of his lungs for a good seventeen hours until he passed out due to lack of air.
_________________
But enough talk, have at you!

junahu · Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2004 5:50 am Post subject:

The meaning of his outburst would never be revealed because that would imply character complexity, which is bad when a story has multiple authors. After another day in the village, Sinnek, Rufus, tipwhip and supertip set off east to catch up with Jabbercat. It was only after the village doors closed to them that they remembered that they should have taken the turtle balloon with them. But it was too late, so they walked off into the sunrise...

Jabbercat had taken a short break, without his book he was surprisingly weak. When his hopes began to wane, he spotted a familiar glint on the horizon. It was the +13 setu word tape dragon. It was carrying someone in its mouth as a prisoner! If he wasn't so weak Jabbercat would have jumped for joy...

Sinnek was just as surprised as his companions to see the turtle balloon hurrying after them. It dropped a sealed note before hurrying off towards a mysterious sparkle in the distance. The note detailed how a dragon came to turtle village and taken Minnek away. Sinnek, in paternal fury, raced off after the balloon. Tipwhip, Rufus and supertip toddled after him.

Jabbercat was initially furious that the dragon had not retrieved his book but slowely the dragon explained his plan to use Sinnek as bait for the one who had Jabbercat's book and Jabbercat began to grin maniacly.

The companions had reached a split in the path. One route would take them east to where the rest of the tin shards lay. But the other took them directly to Jabbercat and the dragon's location...
_________________

LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2004 3:15 pm Post subject:

They started heading West, when a loud thud was heard, and they turned to see TipTurp on the ground. The wind was knocked out of him. Then SuperTip Faces West and noticed the way was blocked by TipCo.

TipCo had a furious look on his face and harshly spat, "Are you idiots blind? Look to the East, and see that glimmer up yon mountains!"

TipWhip gurgled. "Since when do you say yon?"

TipCo stood for five minuits scolding TipWhip. His deep gaze piercing TipWhip's shapeless form.

"Here, TipWhip." He grunted grumpily. "It's about time I caught up with you... Combine your molecules with this."

TipCo poured a florencent green liquid on TipWhip's form. Then TipWhip felt bad... "How exactly do I combine my whos-a-whats again?"

TipCo stamped his stave into TipWhip and stirred him vigorously while muttering curses under his breath.

"Oh!" TipWhip gasped, and his form was revived! "I can use fire spells again! WEEE! BURNBURNBURN!"

Rufus Stared back at TipTurp. "What about him?"

TipCo Prodded TipTurp. "GET UP!"

TipTurp Jumped up and swayed a little from dizziness. "How did you do that?" TipWhip asked scratching his head.

TipCo started East toward the glimmer... The rest followed behind him as he staggered down the forest lane one step at a time. Left foot, staff, right foot, staff... Slooooowww...

Meanwhile The +13 Setu Tape dragon Acended high into the clouds to spot the companions heading East instead of towards them! Who had foiled his trap?!
_________________
Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "

junahu · Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2004 5:49 am Post subject:

And so the turtles (and duck, and possibly Sinnek but that depends on whether he should be classed as a turtle) slowely meandered along the the dark forboding forest path, inching their way toward the tin shards.

Meanwhile, Jabbercat scolded the word tape dragon for failing yet again and saddled atop the dragon. He rode it speedily toward the turtle companions, wearing a serious grimace on his decaying pulsating face. The dragon's wings beat heavily in the musty clouds.

The group came to a halt just in time to miss the swoop of a soviet rifle butt. Tipwhip stared at their foes in abject terror.

"I thought yous two were killed by Jabbercat's army"

The vertically challenged russian forced a smirk and a short echoeing chortle.

"heh. So did we. But it turned out that the sewer water was the carrier of a life giving viral infection."

"I hate that golden spam..."

"Enough of this banter! We fight now!"

His stout accomplice lunged towards tipwhip, heaving it's monstrous bulk with the inertia of a small space station. Tipwhip brandished his long forgotten whip and struck the accomplice down the spinal column petruding from its back. The lunging form convulsed in agony and gave tipturp such a cross blow that he was launched clear out of his shell, revealing underpants with little heart shapes on and making everyone laugh. Meanwhile tipco had strategically moseed over behind the russian and half inched his rifle, using its loaded barrel to threaten the bad guys. Neither succumed and Tipco was forced reluctantly to shoot them both. Quite sure they were dead, Tipturp climbed down from the tree and retrieved his shell, the sweaty blow still indented on its underbelly.

Rufus was the first to notice that Sinnek was missing, his ties with Minnek must have been too strong and he ran off to save him. Alternatively he could have just been a wimpy little wuss bag when it came to enemies with firearms. Regardless the turtles, and duck, continued down the forest path.

On his way to catch up with the heroes, Jabbercat spotted one of his old enemies, Voo Doo master who was strolling quite innocently across the plains. Jabbercat descended from the dragon (remembering to land the dragon first) and began conversing with Voo Doo master. His aim was to enlist him in a new plan he was concocting. It was too late to stop them getting to the tin shards, but perhaps the day would not be completely lost...
_________________

LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Sun Mar 07, 2004 10:43 pm Post subject:

the Voo Doo Master raised his crooked fingers towards the top of the jagged mountains and coughed "There, upon mount knife, lies a well of infinite depth."

Jabbercat Grinned, already thinking of the horrible ways he could slauter his foes...

The Voo Doo master continued. "On and on it goes, and one of the tin pieces you seek is stuck in the infinite loop. However, there is a way to get it out." The relic smirked. "First you'll have to surrender your soul to me... eheh heh heh..."

Jabbercat already lost his soul, so he wasn't afraid, but he wanted to save that surprise for later. First he needed to get power from this pitiful pawn...

The Voo Doo Master wispered something in Jabbercat's ear and Jabbercat instantly felt something surging in the cavaty of hs chest. It was a warm light that gave vitality and vigor to him!

"Use the energy I spared you... to reach in the well and grab the shard when it passes through the loop again. When it reaches the bottom of the loop, it will start again at the top. That is when you grab the piece! Now, go get us that tin shard!" The Voo Doo master errupted in pathetic crackling laughter.

Jabbercat was off. He left the +13 Flying Setu tape dragon inthe field to hunt while he eliminats the companions and takes the shard.

The companions were...
_________________
Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "

junahu · Posted: Mon Mar 08, 2004 5:34 am Post subject:

Quite bamboozled, for their path had been blocked inexplicable by a snorlax. While Tipwhip busied himself calculating the maximum penelty that the inevitable lawsuit between this game and GameFreak would incur, tipturp and tipco were doing something useful. They were trying to push it out of the way.

Rufus of course chose to wait until just before the turtles efforts were about to come to fruitation before suggesting that he could just fly them over it one at a time. Exhausted and aggravated, the turtles agreed to this quite logical plan.

The climb was arduous but Jabbercat evertually dragged himself to the top of Mount knife and peered into the lonely looking well at its peak. Since it was an infinite loop the inside of the well had a very unique appearance. As Jabbercat lokked inside he could see himself looking down into the well, seeing himself looking down into the well, seeing himself looking down into the well etc etc. This of course was an illusion caused by light rays trapped in the infinate loop of the well. Jabbercat reluctantly pulled himself away from the illusion and gazed instead at the point that voo doo master said the tin shard would appear.

The last of the turtle companions was flown over snorlax with great difficulty. Tipco made such a fuss that Rufus had almost dropped him several times. On the other side the companions began to walk steadily onwards towards the beam of light that inncinuated the end of the forest was near. Suddenly the towering mass behind them stirred and stood up. Snorlax looked down at them with a glint in its eye that looked all too familiar to Rufus, who being a duck was knowledgable of the concept of being eaten alive. The group immediately parted and began running in random directions, with the intent of confusing snorlax.

Tipwhip, Tipturp and Rufus emerged into the forest clearing together and rested in the knowledge that snorlax was far far behind them. Almost immediately Tipwhip realised that Tipco was missing. While the remaining turtles waited, Rufus flew off to scan the forest for Tipco.

Jabbercat was getting thoroughly annoyed, the shard had appeared and dropeed through his grasp 6 or 7 times already, each time at an impossibly fast terminal velocity. The 7th (or 8th) time was fast approaching. Jabbercat's blistering paws were throbbing with bloody gashes. Suddenly he saw that flash of instantaneous light and pawed frantically for the falling shard...
_________________

LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Mon Mar 08, 2004 2:33 pm Post subject:

TipCo was sitting on top of the toopled beast and was deeply immersed in one of his crazy books when Rufus got to the site of the frenzie. He looked up for one second and glared up at the towering mountain.

"We better hurry... I have a bad feeling that HE almost has IT in his grasp..." TipCo went back to his books seemingly without a care, and waited for Rufus to catch on to what he was saying.

There was a pause. Rufus had no idea what the heck TipCo was talking about... Who? Then he realized that Jabbercat was going to beat him (and the rest of the guys, of course) the the top! he grabbed TipCo and practically threw him to the others.

...Jabbercat missed and tried over and over and was beginning to become frustrated... Wait... He was already very frustrated, now he was to the point f breaking! He was sure the his enemies would show up soon and further delay him! He...
_________________
Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "

Liquidmentality · Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 2:14 am Post subject:

...bought a bouqet of flowers for his girlfriend, Jumbalaya Jenny. He had forgotten Valentines Day had come and gone and since this author hasn't read any of the previous posts, this seemed like the most prudent thing to do.
_________________
Witty signatures suck!