Castle Paradox

[Calehay]

I went back and forth on whether to post this or not. I've gone through this story in my head a few times, and sometimes it makes sense, other times, it doesn't so here goes:

You begin the game as Nericke, a pirate (Not an "arr matey!" type pirate. In this world, pirates you can hire as hitmen or couriers or what-not. They still do take to the sea more often then not.) who is hired to take some things some place (they're not important.) The game begins in a tavern, where you meet a rival pirate name Marsuit. After having a small ruffle about Nericke's brother, who is considered a puss for breaking a line of pirates, with Marsuit, you leave the tavern and are passed by a man in black. You go through the forest to your ship. This is when we learn that Nericke has a flaw, he can see into the future. He saves a girl from crushed to death by falling trees. He leaves without a thank you. As he rides the sea to the continent he is to deliver whatever to, he is shipwrecked on this weird island. On this island, he meets a witch who says that his prophecy seeing capabilities might link to something in his life. What, she cannot say, but it has to do with the past. As Nericke fixes his ship and gives off the packages, he is hired by a man named Verisen. During the trip to where Verisen wants to go, Nericke has a vision of his brother being killed my a mysterious man. Nericke kidnaps Verisen and goes to his village and finds much death. He joins up with Marsuit and then sees his brother killed by a man (this won't be stated, but visually, Nericke and this killer look similar.) The unknown man beats them all easily, and they wind up unconscious on the ground. Nericke awakens once to a number of faeries. They question why Nericke killed his brother and why he is so evil. Confused, Nericke blacks out again. He is revived in the house of the woman that he saved in the forest. Her name is Naly(like Linaly. This will change if it's not a FF game.) She thanks Nericke for saving her. We learn that Naly loves plants and things, kind of a counter to Nericke's love of the sea. She always wanted to go to a large tree that is amazingly beautiful. Nericke decides that he must go and see the witch again. Marsuit goes along, because he wants to find out what happened to his town. Verisen goes along (still woring on that one.) Naly goes along because she is concerned and wants to see the world and ride on a ship. They return to the island of the witch and see a young girl attacked by a large monster. Her name is Lorece. They save her. They see the witch, who is quite elusive and says that if certain tasks are completed, then she will then tell the team what is going on. She tells them to destroy monsters on certain lands and capture what they reduce to. A faerie. After the third time you return, you see her eating the faeries. She explains then that faeries are pure energy created by the emotions of humans, and energy is what the world must be rid of. She then recognizes Lorece as who used to bea faerie. She reports that if faeries are left to be, they will become large monsters of unbelievable strength. She then proceeds to drink the sea, as it is also pure energy. The witch becomes more demented and begins to fly off. Searching the old witches quarters, they find out where the great faerie monster lives to find out if the witch's words are true. Lorece is saddened that she may be an evil monster created purely by thought. To get to the place where the faerie monster lives, they must hire Cid a pilot (again, to change if not A FF game.) They learn from the spirit that the witch is obviously planning to drink the energy from the earth. You must go to the ends of the earth and you find the witch and kill her. Faeries are realeased from her. From the great spirit, Lorece learns that she can be whatever she wishes to be, for no one is born evil. All seems well, but when Nericke has another vision, he arrives at the location in which he meets the man that killed his brother. He then realizes that he is seeing this man's eyes and thoughts. As they commence to fight, Nericke notices that as he attacks him, his health is also diminshed. The man, who we now know was a faerie, begins to plunge his sword into him, thus killing the both of them. We awake in the UnderWorld, where we meet the man in black we passed at the beginning of the game. (Let's call him Hades for now.) He introduces you to his plan, which is to wipe energy from the earth. Energy equals light and there can be no darkness if there is no light. He then says to make it enjoyable for him (since he's sadistic as all hell) he creates the faeries. When the faeries enter the UnderWorld, they turn into hideous monsters. Hades makes you fight this monster, and if you can win, returns you to earth. Nericke unexpectantly wins and goes to collect the team. However, Naly is not in her house. She had a vision as well and walks out to find her otherself. She is killed by her other self in Nericke's eyes, who secretly liked her(which you could probably have guessed.) The team goes to the Great Faerie and asks if there is anyway to the UnderWorld. Yes there is, through the Ends of the Earth. You get there and see Naly killed by her monster version of her faerie. Hades is just beyond and Nericke wants revenge for the whole world. Lorece understands that if Hades is killed, she is destroyed for everything of Hades's possesion and creation is destroyed. She is ready to sacrifice herself. So the world is saved by deafeating Hades.

Eventually in the game, I want Nericke and Naly to go to the great tree that she wanted to see. In the end of the game, (since energy is no longer in faeries, but in the earth it's self, Nericke knows that Naly is at the tree.

I'm still a bit confused by this story. I like the concept a lot, but I'm not sure if it can work. Some things tie together really well while some things don't. Any comments are welcomed.
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Calehay

[Moogle1]

Faeries are much more Seiken Densetsu than Final Fantasy.

Reminds me, I had an idea to make a SD fangame covering the period chronicled in LoM's world history. I won't, but Square should consider it.

Anyway, if you're confused by your own story, how do you expect anyone else to understand it?
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Slime Salad :: Independent Game Design

[Calehay]

Sorry, bad word choice. I'm more or less wondering if there are any holes in the story that I haven't filled (other than Verisen seeming to just join your party.) If any one can find out anything, I'd appreciate it quite a bit.

What's is Seiken Densetsu. I've heard of it before, but I don't remember what it is.
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Calehay

[Moogle1]

"... of Mana" series (Sword of Mana aka Final Fantasy Adventure, Secret of Mana, Seiken Densetsu 3, Legend of Mana).
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Slime Salad :: Independent Game Design