Castle Paradox

Culex Uzuki · Joined: 25 Nov 2004 Posts: 25

In the time when Oceans still existed on the planet Tartarus, a war erupted that encompassed the entire world. The war was between mankind and the God Origin. The God Origin created the Angels, his most destructive army to fight against mankind. The war caused the lands to shatter into pieces leaving the oceans dry. Mankind created 8 Elemental Spheres, later called Elemental Essence, to confine Origin and his Angels; however, before Origin became confined he created a large void on the planet Tartarus. The great void was a deadly vortex that slowly swallowed the planet Tartarus until it was never seen again and the planet was eventually known as the Lost Jerusalem. Mankind was forced to live on the shattered lands floating high up in the sky.

In an era where lands float in the sky and the existence of Oceans has been regarded as a mere legend. The Nortis Empire is sweeping across the shattered lands in an attempt to capture all 8 Elemental Essences to revive Origin and his Angels, so that they can lead the shattered lands into a rebirth. The other, God-Hand, a terrorist organization want the power of the 8 Elemental Essences to obtain the essence of the Angels and enslave every being on the shattered lands.

Prepare your weapons and surround yourslef with powerful allies it is time to battle the intruding darkness.

Culex Uzuki · Joined: 25 Nov 2004 Posts: 25

The story is very original and i spent months doing the script and iam still doing it, but almost done. Let me tell you that this game is going tbe peoples favorite, i gurantee it. I need help with compositon i am good at bam but not the best so i would really appreciate the help......

Culex Uzuki · Joined: 25 Nov 2004 Posts: 25

tell me what you guys think?

Calehay · Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 5:09 pm Post subject:

I don't mean to sound mean or anything, but you shouldn't have such absolute faith in your game. It tends to cause one to become blind to the problems in their game.

Now, for the story. This is my favorite game to play when making up a story.

The Why Game

Let's take your story. (Italics are your words)

In the time when Oceans still existed on the planet Tartarus, a war erupted that encompassed the entire world.
Why is there a war that erupts?
The war was between mankind and the God Origin. The God Origin created the Angels, his most destructive army to fight against mankind.
Why did the God Origin need Angels?

Mankind created 8 Elemental Spheres, later called Elemental Essence, to confine Origin and his Angels; however, before Origin became confined he created a large void on the planet Tartarus. The great void was a deadly vortex that slowly swallowed the planet Tartarus until it was never seen again and the planet was eventually known as the Lost Jerusalem. Mankind was forced to live on the shattered lands floating high up in the sky.

Why does the God Origin have such antipathy for the humans?

I'm not attacking your story, but this is something I've found to be a very helpful when filling plot holes.
Of course, you need to develop your story further. Create characters, enemies, and a purpose for each. I believe also that every game needs a plot twist, or a least a point of the game where we know everything (My personally idea on story is that, you should start off knowing nothing, and end knowing everything.)

Another note, you may need to change your game name. There's already a game on the gamelist called Endless Saga.

On another note, are you saying that you need a composer for your game?
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Calehay

Moogle1 · Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 5:38 pm Post subject:

Yeah, when I read Endless Saga, I think Fenix's game, which is a few years old. Consider changing yours to something a little more original.
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Slime Salad :: Independent Game Design

LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 7:57 pm Post subject:

I couldn't agree with Moogle more, but read Calehay's post, man. He knows what he is talking about. Cheers, Cale.

Culex Uzuki · Joined: 25 Nov 2004 Posts: 25

Thanks for the help, but the question you were asking i cannot give them out because i would be spoiling the game...I left plot holes for a reason!!!

Because like you said you should know a little in the begining and know everything in the end. I have already finished the script of the game and now iam trying to put the game together. Iam really good at making sprites and tiles, but im not that good with making my own bam so help would be great...and i would like to start my own company and call it
PixelSoft.

and one thing for sure is that iam not cocky in anyway im just confident so if you do say im to sure of myself, i'll take that as a compliment.

LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 8:06 pm Post subject:

It's good to have high self esteem. Just don't blow up if anyone here says what you do is (for lack of a harsher word) bad. I can understand if you didn't want to give anything away.

Anyway, it won't give anything away if you tell us simply why such and such hates such and such, will it? We only want some holes to be filled in, because on the surface, your story looks very much like a lot of things. It's like mashed potatoes before the seasoning is added, if you know what I mean.
Only thing is the base of this story is not too hot. Fill in some things if you can, use proper grammar, and we will look more kindly on you, my friend. You can do it.
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Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "

Culex Uzuki · Joined: 25 Nov 2004 Posts: 25

my game Endless Saga meant Desire, destruction, dream, Destiny, Death, Despair, and delirium that is why i called it Endless Saga, i wonder what Fenix game meant?

I guess i will go with my original name Endless Cetus which mean the whales Desire, destruction, dream, Destiny, Death, Despair, and delirium.

I want to start my company PixelSoft, so let me know if you are interested, im serious.

Culex Uzuki · Joined: 25 Nov 2004 Posts: 25

ok listen up, The God Origin created the world of Tartarus. Mankind grew wicked do to there evil desires . This the biggest twist in the game is that mankind confined a good God, he was the almighty god. He only wanted to end wickedness that is why he started the war and sent his finest angels to stop those that were destroying what he had created, his lands. Mankind became greedy and desired only power they made weapons that were able to shatter lands, but why did mankind confined Origin and his Angels? because mankind grew scared of his power and sealed him away. Not knowing that without Origin there lands would eventually die... and be called that of Lost Jerusalem.... the existence of ocean is lost...

Culex Uzuki · Joined: 25 Nov 2004 Posts: 25

damn that was a big spoiler, I was suppossed to save that so that i would shock everyone playing it, because they would think that the god was evil but after they hear about him being good and that man was bad at the time..it would surely surprise them... I have played many games but my favorite is XENOSAGA i m inspired by the revelation of the that consumes us....

Calehay · Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 9:05 pm Post subject:

Interesting idea. I must say though, if you tell the story in an extremely interesting, non-cliched fashion, your players will be suprised.

Of course, the big suprise should be what comes after the revelation.

Leroy said:

Moogle1 · Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 9:26 pm Post subject:

Culex Uzuki · Joined: 25 Nov 2004 Posts: 25

because my game contains all that stuff.....it a expression destruction or any other of the words i used because if you look at the definition in the Book of Endless it means all this stuff.

Gizmog1 · Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 1:02 am Post subject:

Culex, could you stop double and triple posting? It's really annoying, and there's an edit button for a reason. Secondly, a lot of this sounds like Crono Cross to me. And, how exactly does LAND Splitting into pieces destroy the ocean? I'm a bit foggy on that, but it seems like there'd be more oceans instead of less.