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LeRoy_Leo
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Joined: 24 Sep 2003
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Location: The dead-center of your brain!

PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2005 12:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Discussion time? Hm. His ending seems very appropriate. Also, it's interesting. I can't decide whether it was sad or happy. Amazing.

While I would say we all have a lot of creativity, it is wasted without descriptiveness. Let that be advice for anyone who wants to write good stories. Ask yourself, "Am I telling the story or showing it?" It is a good idea to show the story. Showing tells it's self.

It's your turn to discuss, if you want. What did you all think of the story? Who were the most valuable writers, who did you think was most entertaining, and how would you have ended this story? I think those are great questions. If you have any other questions, you can ask them too. Let's hear some great answers.
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"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "
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Gizmog1
Don't Lurk In The Bushes!




Joined: 05 Mar 2003
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Location: Lurking In The Bushes!

PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm personally very proud of my installment. I don't mean to brag, or to seem like I'm fishing for compliments, but I'm very very kind of confused on my writing, and I'd like some critiques and criticism on it.
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Jjkaybomb
Brunettes have more hair




Joined: 04 Sep 2003
Posts: 267
Location: Hunting with the mouse

PostPosted: Wed Jan 12, 2005 6:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I got one

Ew.

Yet strangely AWSOME
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"However," replied the Universe, "This does not create in me a sense of obigation."
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LeRoy_Leo
Project manager
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Joined: 24 Sep 2003
Posts: 2683
Location: The dead-center of your brain!

PostPosted: Wed Jan 12, 2005 6:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The concept of stealing someone's sould through rape is VERY interesting, though. Personal experience? Your writing style is pretty good too, Giz.

Overall, I would say The Giz and Unc were the best writers on the block this time. It's too bad they only decided to do one entry each...

A lot of us didn't use enough descriptiveness where we could have which made our parts seemed rushed. I won't name names, but hopefully, in your shame, you know who you are.
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Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "
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Gizmog1
Don't Lurk In The Bushes!




Joined: 05 Mar 2003
Posts: 2257
Location: Lurking In The Bushes!

PostPosted: Wed Jan 12, 2005 10:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

JJ: Heh, thanks, I think.

Leroy: Equally thanks.

Now, my commentary. I think Junair and JJKaybomb both tried to take the story into some interesting directions. RMZ's writing style kind of bores me, so I wasn't too happy that he wrote the ending, and it didn't quite turn out how I was hoping. We really oughta do this again, I can see a lot of improvement in writing from the beginning to the end, and people who started off bad really started to get into the swing of things late. Uncy's addition was also really good, I liked the kind of mythological aspects to it.
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Uncommon
His legend will never die




Joined: 10 Mar 2003
Posts: 2503

PostPosted: Fri Jan 14, 2005 12:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

To be perfectly honest, the only reason Giz and I jumped in was because we sort of liked how the story started out, but hated where it was going. So, we decided to put it back on the right track and see how well you did with it. I'm not going to say I liked how it ended, either. There are times, and they aren't few, when what happened in this story was just outright ridiculous.
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LeRoy_Leo
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 15, 2005 10:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My idea was to draw the story out and try to be as descriptive as I possibly could to make the story entertaining. If there was a problem with my entries in particular, I would like to know right out.
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Planning Project Blood Summons, an MMORPG which will incinerate all of the others with it's sheer brilliance...

---msw188 ---
"Seriously James, you keep rolling out the awesome like gingerbread men on a horror-movie assembly line. "
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Jazz_Man




Joined: 02 Sep 2003
Posts: 248
Location: My basement.

PostPosted: Mon Jan 17, 2005 12:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There's such thing as overdoing descriptions, however. Most people were getting close to it, IMHO. Don't insult your audience. Sometimes, less is more.

And I just gotta say, the story really went in a bizarre direction. Giz and Unc pretty much smashed it to the ground for me, And so I sorta laid out. Rape? wtf? Which leads me to another thing...

I thought originally it was supposed to be a paragraph or something... not an entire fucking book. Happy I mean, the idea is to go from one plot point to the next, not from one plot point to the next, to the next, to the next, then do a 180, change the entire feel of the story, go to the next plot point, eat a bagel, the next plot point, and then finally another plot point. if you write too much, you start to control the story too much, and that's when the story gets ripped left and right.

I dunno, but my "philosophy" towards this is to let the story take a general course, and try not to deviate too heavily. Like, don't all of a sudden make the hero a zombie demon dragon posing as death halfway through, ya know? keep it short, keep it simple.

But that's just my two cents. I might be wrong.
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Jjkaybomb
Brunettes have more hair




Joined: 04 Sep 2003
Posts: 267
Location: Hunting with the mouse

PostPosted: Tue Jan 18, 2005 6:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree, that's what inda killed the stroy for me. Even though I did it also. Its just too much. You have to leave it somewhat open in the end, or else the entire thing kinda screws itself up. Not end in a plot point
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