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Another Poem
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Gizmog1
Don't Lurk In The Bushes!




Joined: 05 Mar 2003
Posts: 2257
Location: Lurking In The Bushes!

PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2005 12:03 am    Post subject: Another Poem Reply with quote

EDIT: The hacker's changed it, but Giz is too smart for them. Edit war, nigga! Fight to the death! I won't go down without a fight, you faggots!

EDIT EDIT: I don't remember how this poem went. It was three verses in rough kind of limerick thingy I think, but other than that, I have no recollection.


Last edited by Gizmog1 on Sun May 22, 2005 12:36 pm; edited 2 times in total
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no_shot
Surpasses you in poetical prowess




Joined: 28 Apr 2003
Posts: 300
Location: On the road to perfection.

PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2005 2:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought it had an interesting rhyming meter. It's like a piece of music with some exotic timing, like 5/4 or 13/8 or 1.44444445/4 or some shit like that.

edit: Oh, yes, and the "urled" theme was brilliant!
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Gizmog1
Don't Lurk In The Bushes!




Joined: 05 Mar 2003
Posts: 2257
Location: Lurking In The Bushes!

PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2005 6:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks a lot No_Shot, I'm glad you enjoyed it (And thoroughly surprised.)
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Jack
the fool




Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 773

PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2005 6:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

great poem Gizmog, never had i thought that i would see Portland Maine mentioned in a poem like that.

simply awesome Giz, keep 'em coming.
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no_shot
Surpasses you in poetical prowess




Joined: 28 Apr 2003
Posts: 300
Location: On the road to perfection.

PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2005 10:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The only line I had problems with is: "while its owner's necklace pearled" that didn't really make sense logically, but abstractly it did.
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Phil Arts
Manipulating himself since the beginning




Joined: 14 Jul 2004
Posts: 251

PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2005 7:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gizmog, your poetry is far better than mine Oookay...
Yours actully makes more sense Exclamation
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The Wobbler




Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Posts: 2221

PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2005 10:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Note from Castle Paradox Administration:
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Gizmog1
Don't Lurk In The Bushes!




Joined: 05 Mar 2003
Posts: 2257
Location: Lurking In The Bushes!

PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2005 3:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, I kinda agree Shot. That Pearled line was just trying to bring in materialism and capitalism, and kind of shoot at that a bit, but it didn't quite work. I couldn't really think of anything else that ryhmed though. And Phil Arts, thanks, but the fact that you like it seems to reflect that I've done something wrong. I think I may be shooting myself later, but I'll be sure to write another poem before I do.
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JSH357




Joined: 02 Feb 2003
Posts: 1705

PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2005 3:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought it sucked and all of you are dumbasses.

If you want to see REAL Giz poetry, see OHR House 2: Week 5. It's his finest work.
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Gizmog1
Don't Lurk In The Bushes!




Joined: 05 Mar 2003
Posts: 2257
Location: Lurking In The Bushes!

PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2005 3:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fuck you man, that's small time. I'm only doing that because you paid me. This is my true calling, but I don't expect a prole like you to understand REAL art. "OMG, LOL, GITALIFE,HAHAHAHA"
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JSH357




Joined: 02 Feb 2003
Posts: 1705

PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2005 3:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, and I'm sure "Habla No Ingles" is your true calling too!

Keep nagging on me and I'm gonna blow this place up.
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Gizmog1
Don't Lurk In The Bushes!




Joined: 05 Mar 2003
Posts: 2257
Location: Lurking In The Bushes!

PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2005 3:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A little girl like you couldn't blow it up, poof! If anyone's gonna blow this place up, it's going to be a radical, freethinking liberal like myself, and not some Conservative LAUGHAHOLIC SCOFFWORK like you! "LOL! LOL!"
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Rolling Stone
Bastard Gunslinger




Joined: 21 Jan 2003
Posts: 494

PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2005 5:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just wrote a poem too it's called BIG COCK SUCKER and it goes a little something like this.

Big

Big Cock

Big Cock Sucker

Also, penis

Thank you bye now
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Gizmog1
Don't Lurk In The Bushes!




Joined: 05 Mar 2003
Posts: 2257
Location: Lurking In The Bushes!

PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2005 6:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Schoolgirl Blues.

The third poem.

By Gizmog.

I am a littleschool girl.
And late at night I hurl,
My story is sad
I am not a lad,
All my life is a swirl

Mommy wishes I was a boy
That's what would bring her joy.
She wanted a penis,
not Missy Venus,
To be her little love toy

Daddy wanted a muse,
to share his political views,
With shoving and push
Wants me to vote Bush
But I can see through his ruse

I promise it's true,
They beat me with shoes
They hate me so long
And claim I am wrong,
This schoolgirl is feeling blue

~Fini for now. Might add more later. I think it needs more, to express the true feelings of today's school girl.
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Gizmog1
Don't Lurk In The Bushes!




Joined: 05 Mar 2003
Posts: 2257
Location: Lurking In The Bushes!

PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2005 10:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

N00blet, get out of my poem!

EDIT: They'd fucked with this too, and destroyed a brand new second chapter to it. All I remember now is a rhyme of leafer and reefer and some other stuff about a boyfriend, and mommy and daddy. I'll try to do it agian from memory

Schoolgirl Blues, Part Two

The Forth Poem

By The Happy Indian

Mommy doesn't like my boyfriend,
Just won't seem to make ammends,
Last night I let him touch me,
He rubbed with such glee,
And he put it in both ends,

Daddy says he's bad news,
wants me to stick with jews,
But I love my biker beau,
And ever since the word go,
He's got my heart in a woo

He took me out to meet his gang,
The bats, the guns, the knives, the bang,
We both got up on the leafer,
High on california reefer,
When the gunshots and sirens rang

Now I'm his jailbird lover,
No one there to cover,
Me and Butch took the fall,
down at City Justice Hall,
If only I had listened to mother.

From memory, as it was before. Kind of. Any suggestions on improvements, critique, etc? I'm real proud of it.
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