Castle Paradox

chris98

I've called it "World in Peril". It is a waltz that is 12 seconds long but loops well, so isn't a complete bust, and I would like c+c. It's on page 5 of the music section of the site.
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Calehay · Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 5:43 pm Post subject:

I really like what you have...

It just, there's not enough of it.

It feels as if you've written half of a theme. Now, if you can finish that theme and then expand upon it through orchestration, you could have a really wonderful waltz on your hands.
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chris98 · Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 9:36 pm Post subject:

Thanks, I am using an unregistered noteworthy composer, but I might upgrade it if I run out of saves.
Edit: I've now added another few bars, other instruments will be incorporated with the next few, for a sense of "you're not alone, there are others".
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Artimus Bena · Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2005 12:06 am Post subject:

There are ways around noteworthy's little save limit...

Smokin'

[edit] I'm not really a fan of the waltz, but I like what you have. It would definitely catch my attention as a title song.
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chris98 · Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 11:24 pm Post subject:

I've upgraded the song, now about halfway done. I hope the extra instrument, a second piano as that's all I know how to write for will sound good.
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chris98 · Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 8:14 am Post subject:

3/4 done. Added violins for Nospmoht, and it sounds reverent as he is interested in CairNavon's well being, and reveres it as a mass that supports life, something he wishes to learn more about. Please C+C.
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Calehay · Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 12:47 pm Post subject:

That went a little avant garde there. I can hear that the melody is still going on, but it's a little lost in all of the dissonance.
From the beginning few bars, it seems to fool the listener into thinking that its going to be tonal.
I would reinforce the melody with another instrument after the first phrase, just so that it doesn't seem lost inside that piano.

But I'm not really a fan of avant garde music, so I'm probably not the best person to critique it.
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chris98 · Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 1:03 pm Post subject:

chris98 · Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 1:56 pm Post subject:

Nevermind, just figured out that you meant have another instrument playing the first tune from the second phrase onwards. Thanks.
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LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 5:18 pm Post subject:

The above C & C covered most of my thoughts on this piece, so let's see if I can't come up with something new.

You've probably been told this, but it sounds rather flat/ empty at the start. Even when the string violin or what ever it is comes in at the end, it still felt empty. Maybe this is what you wanted, though. Some of the chords are interesting, and that's putting lightly. Good job on the 3/4 time piece. Tone the violin thing down a bit, sort of like Calehay said, and add a soft support to the background. You've got nothing to lose, man.

PS: It's funny how it's a minute long, yet it seems to go by faster.

PPS: After listening to it 20 times in a row, I am starting to get a head ache. Sorry, but it's the truth. HAHA!
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chris98 · Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 9:47 pm Post subject:

Can you suggest an instrument that won't clash horribly with the original piano? Cause I've tried 2 different instruments, and they sound hideous.
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LeRoy_Leo · Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 9:51 pm Post subject:

Well, don't stop with two.
What did you try?

I'd suggest something not so harsh. String instruments might be too harsh in general for accompaniment, so (this is a shot in the dark) try a wind instrument. I made a waltz too, called "Gibborone", where I accompanied piano with pan flute. I like pan flute in particular, because it sounds brisk, articulate, yet soft. Your call, though.

I'd link you to the song, but I'd sort of be high jacking the thread if I did that. Also, you didn't link us to your song, damn it.

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chris98 · Posted: Sat Dec 24, 2005 9:24 am Post subject:

Just completed the song. It is in the usual place. C+C?
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Calehay · Posted: Sat Dec 24, 2005 3:25 pm Post subject:

I still don't think that the melody is coming out enough. Unless you didn't mean for the melody that you presented in the first phrase to be the melody for the rest of the piece.

If I understand correctly, this is your first piece of music. If I can suggest something for you to practice:

Start off with something very simple. Use Piano with some solo instrument and do some sort of simple chord progression (I-V-IV-V or I-VI-IV-V or something like that. You can worry about complex chord progression later.) Work to make 8 bar phrases with a definant end. I would suggest you start off working with AABA format. When writing the A Phrase work to make a definite start and end of a phrase. Make each phrase 8 bars. Remember that it will be heard 3 times in the course of the song. Write the B section as a release (or the bridge, as some call it. In this section, you might wish to change the chord progression.) Make sure that the end can line up with the start of the A section (More often than not, in something simple that starts with I chord, that will be a V chord.) Put it together, and see if it flows from beginning to end, if the A is actually interesting to listen to 3 times in one sitting.

After you get the hand of 32-bar writing, you can play with forms and other stuff. The problem with World in Peril right now is that it seems unfocused. There doesn't really seem to be a driving point to the music, it just seems like a theme with stuff thrown around it. If you get used to writing in a closed, strict environment, it will wield much better results when you break these molds.

(Btw, if you want a better example of the 32-Bar song format than my incoherent ramblings, listen to George Gershwin's (might be Ira's as well, I'm not sure.) I Got Rhythm. Failing that, you could always listen to the Flinstone's theme song ;-) )
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