Castle Paradox

[Hades]

ok just incase im mistaken this is where you post your storylines so here it goes tell me what you think:

It is the year 2541, goverments of the world fail to cope with overpopulation, rising sea waters and fear of the disappearances to prophet of the Free Masons known as Hades, they crumble and is handed over to multinational corportion known as Neotech, a special force used as backup for the United Nations. People to continue vanish, but not to Hades, to themselves. It was the begining of the end.

Amiss of this chaos, the President of The United States daughter, Evaline, lives life of upmost luxery. Her Brother, Gavin, works with Neotech to serve and protect the people of the earth. She meets a charming albino known as Adam, whom she befreinds. However Washington becomes under attack and Adam dissapears, leaving behind him a disturbed Evaline. Unimaginable things happen to her mental functions, allowing her to blurr the lines between reality and dream. She becomes a hypnorealist.

Feared for his Daughters life, the President sends his daughter a secret mental instatute called Paradise Eden, to 'enhance' her hypnorealism.
Here she meets many people like her who also met the estranged chacator known as Adam. Dark and Horrible secrets forces her to escape and set on the world to search for Gavin, Adam and his Angel Mortatis with her unwildly comrades.
Little do they know that their journey leads deep into the bowels of war, hate and the self-destruction of the world

This storyline is from Evalines point of view, however this is only one storyline... there are 3 storylines: Evaline, Gavin and the main chactor Adam. Adam's storyline is the most important, however, me putting it here give away the whole plot on somebody thats meant to be secret. oh and theres also Hades, the main villan in the story, but me telling anything about him would ruin it. B.T.W there are many religous refrences in this story, but not only about christanity. Theres also a heavy use on satanism and ying and yang
i hope enjoyed reading it. The rpg itself, trying to stick to originality uses mainly guns than swords and is based on Earth not some makey up planet.
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[Hades]

FEEL FREE TO LEAVE ME A COMMENT .... (!?)


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[Blue Pixel]

needs robots.

[Battleblaze]

Dude ya gotta give things around here time.There hasnt been an actual story in this section for awhile.

Well heres an honest review

A common mistake many (most all) authors make is that they know the story better than the reader does. What I mean is what you wrote prolly makes all the sense in the world to you, but to me, the reader who has no idea how your story works, it's confusing.

For example. The first paragraph was pretty good until you came out of nowhere with this

[Hades]

[Shadowiii]

Are you trying to incorperate religious and/or philosophical undertones, or is it like Stop Neon Genesis where they just seem to throw it in for fun? If it's the latter, you should probably reconsider.
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But enough talk, have at you!

[Moogle1]

More to the point, what do the Freemasons have to do with Hades?
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Slime Salad :: Independent Game Design

[Artimus Bena]

As I read it, it is just this dude's name, it's not hades himself.
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SACRE BLEU!

|||Compositions!
|||Eldardeen Soundtrack!
|||Red Mercury!

[Shadowiii]

But he makes it sound like thats where they "don't disappear to", implying a place. Then agan, people disappearing to themselves is also confusing and is raping my brain.

Perhaps Hades should explain further WTF he is talking about.
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But enough talk, have at you!

[Artimus Bena]

I concur.
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SACRE BLEU!

|||Compositions!
|||Eldardeen Soundtrack!
|||Red Mercury!

[Hades]

ROFL

im not sure what else to say.. im trying to keep the storyline shrouded as possible throughout the game. me even mentioning hades slightly uncovers the plot. (Btw hades is a codename but its codename has a meaning... they're is also other refrences to the other greek gods aswell but im gonna keep that on a leash)
i can say however that i added in the free masons since they're background is also shrouded in mystery and have to need to exploit that in the game. they were known to have satanistic references (pentogram).. if your really curious google up 'white house pentagram' ... its actually quite odd and frightning. It will pop up in the game and it important to find a secret location

[Uncommon]

[Hades]

i know apcolypse also means revelation but you misunderstood..
The term hades has sometimes been used in Christianity to mean the abode of the dead, where the dead would await Judgment Day either at peace or in torment. Dumbing it down = Apocolypse.
And the Apocolypse in my game is represented in a symbol ...



please if you dont understand what this symbol is or means search its meaning before you start..
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[Moogle1]

Apocalypse doesn't have anything to do with that.

[Hades]

haha im athiest ... ive never read the bible.. and in my game the bible isnt even important...
btw stop asking me completely stupid questions..
Of course the free masons never have the prophet Hades.. thats made up but really moogle what would you know about the free masons.. the most secret organisation in the world, lol! ?
My uncle for his hobby study's ancient arts such as Greek and how it relates in future... i know hellavalot about it. Yet one thing i know for certain the grim reaper (death) is directly related to Hades as he wonders the upper world as a shroud of dark mist (with his mask of invisability). So really it isnt about the bible.. more about conspiracy around the bible and deep meanings. oh and there is refrence to buddism and other relegions

oh and the ying and yang related to the apocalypse thing is my own take..
divine equality causing the ultimate revelation... (meaning when everything agrees it causes a neverending euphoria)...

please when you add suggestions to your criticisms they become constructive.. without it, all it is is moaning
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